from dusk till dawn. a story about running.
May 3, 2008
(Or, why Pleasantville, Canada sets up the disillusioned Fight Club youth to fail, miserably.)
In the movie From Dusk Till Dawn, two fugitive brothers fleeing the authorities hold up a liquor store, murder two people, and then kidnap a vacationing family. The brothers force the family to smuggle them across the Texas border into Mexico in their RV, finally ending up at a strip club in a desolate wasteland. The brothers have arranged to meet their contact at dawn the next day.
As night falls, the employees of the strip club are revealed to be vampires, and a gruesome series of battles takes place until the survivors are able to continue on their way at sunrise.
So what does this have to do with Pleasantville, and the disillusioned youth in my town?
See, it is the day after Beltane, which means that the kids whose parents wouldn’t let them out last night, are out tonight, getting into trouble. Maybe they are upset that they didn’t get to party with all of us Vikings last night. Normally, that would be okay, but…
We live in Canada. And Canada has…
The Youth Justice Act.
This great law “enables” kids between the ages of 12 and 17 to do pretty much anything, and face a sentence of no more than two years. Three if the crime is one that would call for life imprisonment for an adult.
Yep. Blame Canada.
And Pleasantville is much like that desolate wasteland, except we don’t have a strip club called the Titty Twister.
But we do have Mexican Beer. Tecate. Perfect beverage after a run. To Hel with water.
Anyway, when the weather is warm, when the sky is clear, when night falls, Pleasantville undergoes a transformation.
Around this time last year, some kids literally threatened to kill my wife. In my own front yard.
Of course I called the police. I pay my taxes. And the police, armed with the good old Youth Justice Act, said:
“He’s a good kid, he comes from a good family, his grades are good and he has a job.”
Pardon? Umm, he just threatened to KILL a member of my family, on MY property. And you can’t, and won’t, do anything?
This story does have a point. Here goes nothing:
These kids seem to be missing an important lesson here, and in a lot of ways, it isn’t their fault. They need to fail early, fail often – AND LEARN SOMETHING, each time.
Our job as adults, parents, teachers, whatever, is to help these kids get across the danger zone that exists between adolescence and young adulthood, with all limbs attached and in possession of their mental faculties.
They need someone to kick them in the a$$. Dave “RAGNAR” Navarro, we need you in Pleasantville. Time to put on your big boots…
Hey. I had my share of run-ins with the police too. But I knew where to draw the line. I never threatened to kill a man in his own front yard, because:
- I knew it was wrong (thanks mom & dad)
- I had heard that old saying, “live by the sword, die by the sword” – no matter how tough you think you are, there is somebody tougher out there, with a shotgun
- I was afraid that guy might be this guy, and I pity the fool who runs into him.
Also, the police had the authority to do something, even as simple as grabbing you by the scruff of the neck, taking you home, and making you explain to your folks what you did. That worked.
So these kids are out again tonight. I hope that they fail early, fail often – AND LEARN SOMETHING, this year.
Many of them will go away to school at the end of the summer. To the big city. Where if you pick a fight with the wrong guy, you eat all of your meals through a straw for the rest of your life, if you are lucky.
Now, for the clever punch line.
What does this have to do with running?
Kids. Seriously, as the police won’t help you, you have to fail early, fail often – AND LEARN SOMETHING, each time.
Parents, help your kids, as it really isn’t the job of the police to do this. They are a safety net, which in Canada has a few really big holes.
We want our children to grow up, so that they can go to university, study engineering, get married, have four kids, decide they don’t like engineering much, decide they want to write, decide they want to run barefoot, and then blog to the world about a vampire movie.
We don’t want to bury our children. The name of the game is fail early, fail often. Not FAIL.
The sun will rise tomorrow as dawn slips away, and the vampires of Pleasantville will sleep till noon, and have terrible hangovers. They will grow into young adults, proud and strong Vikings. At least, that is my hope.
For my part, I will drive by their houses, playing Viking music at extreme volumes.
To show them that I love them very much, of course.
(I would have linked to YouTube, but it is dead for some reason… oh well, fail early, fail often, YouTube! EDIT: I changed the link to a better one, now that YouTube is behaving…)
Anyway, to the running report:
| Distance | Time | Weight | |
| Monday | 6.1 km | 44 min | 199 lb |
| Wednesday | 6.3 | 48 | 199 |
| Friday | 6.8 | 50 | 200 |
I think I did well, and I also failed early, and failed often, at the same time. You see, I’m crazy and my funny shoes don’t protect me well from the cold. The temperature dropped for Wednesday and Friday, meaning my feet got stiff after about 35 minutes, and I couldn’t run properly.
My heart, my lungs, my legs, they all told me I could go further. But my feet said, “I pity the fool who runs in toe shoes.”
Fortunately, it is warming up again, and summer is coming. I can get some of the insulated toe shoes in the fall. And I will go further, next time.
–
I wrote this post in my head, last night, while running.
You know, I get the craziest ideas when running. The clarity of thought is incredible. Maybe I’ll set up another blog someday, a sort of running debrief.
(Thanks for the brainstorm about that, Crystal.)
Brett, that is horrible. And here I thought you Canadians were all peaceful and docile. How naive I was.
Actually, I have noticed this phenomenon in the US also. In fact, a former council women said that the youth should stop killing eachother. It isn’t nice. Nice! WTH! They don’t know the difference between right and wrong! Or maybe they do, but they don’t care. You’re right. Parents need to step in and get a grip on their kids – they can’t leave it up to society to fix the problem. All to often then it is pushed into the schools, and teachers are supposed to fix the evils of society.
I didn’t know Dave Navarro was a cop. He should come to my neighborhood.
Ellen Wilson’s last blog post..Smoking Weeds
Ha, it looks like some of your fellow Pleasantville mobsters need a good bashing. Unfortunately the law here in Oz isn’t much better. A burglar these days has more rights than the house owner itself and the same goes for parents and teachers.
We seem to have adapted all those silly laws that came across the big pond from big brother and they are good for nothing to be exact. Even parents can smack their kids anymore for fear of being taken to court.
I know, those vampires suddenly don’t look so isolated anymore. Great post as usual Brett. Running indeed seems a great way to plant some writing seeds.
Monika Mundell’s last blog post..Writing Queries – Freelance Writing Guide
@Ellen,
Generally we are peaceful, just like people everywhere. It really does start in the home. And you know, it should have nothing to do with whether or not both parents are there, or whether or not you are poor.
I had linked to Mr. T, and a couple of years ago I read an interview that The Onion did with him:
http://web.archive.org/web/20030624093523/http://theonionavclub.com/avclub3824/mr_t_feature.html
His family didn’t have much money, and his parents raised him and his brothers & sisters without becoming criminals. He says your role models should be your mother and your father. Not some musician or athlete… and he’s right…
I agree, we need more people like Dave Navarro. He’s cool, he kicks a$$, and his haircut is even better than Mr. T’s…
@Monika,
I guess it is the same everywhere. If there’s no respect in the home, how can there be outside? These guys need to be taught the value of a hard day’s work.
When I was about their age, I broke somebody’s window with a tomato (long story – but it was an accident). The police asked me about it, I admitted to doing it, and they suggested I pay for the window.
I did, and you know, I felt better about it. To be honest, the fellow had started the whole thing, but I took it too far. In the end, I think we both learned something.
Thanks Monika, I appreciate that. And I agree, for me it does seem to bring my thoughts to another (warped!) level…
@ Brett: I know what you mean by paying for your damage. I believe that was the best thing that could have happened to you even though it was an accident. As you would never do a silly thing like that again before thinking of the consequences.
Monika Mundell’s last blog post..Proposing For A Job – Freelance Writing Guide
My wife’s friend called today and she was out so I spoke with her instead. She is going through what a few of your links are about. Her husband has basically abandoned her and her kids to persue a career and further education. A noble goal but at what cost?
I decided a year ago that work comes second to family. Period.
I am now always late for work, take long lunches, and leave early. That is to compensate for all the calls I take in the evenings and on weekends. I am working smarter, not harder. The after hours calls are annoying but I know I am not working nights on top of a long day too.
The first step was to let everyone at work know I was working after hours and that my family is more important. They have no choice but to understand, or fire me. How heartless would that be?
Anyway, you article sucked by the links were good. Why can’t you write like them?
(that was a sucker punch, sucker!)
Heh, heh, heh <-evil Brett laugh
From Dusk Til Dawn is one of my favorite movies, nice to see you managed to get it in the limelight again.
Francis
That Dusk Till Dawn movie kicked ass! At first, I thought it was a standard cops/fugitive chase movie. Ho Hum. Booooring. But then it morphed into vampires and dawn-of-the-dead and chainsaws…. It was HILARIOUS!
As for kids being little shits. It’s not their fault..really. It’s the “new parenting” techniques the granola-crunchers use today.
For example, I’ve seen toddlers actually try to SMACK their parents. And the worst thing Mommy does is give them a 60-second “Time Out”.
Ooohh. A time-out. Big punishment. (Please, Jacques, ANYTHING but THAT!).
Fast forward 15 years, and then the little darlings are vandalizing property and threatening to kill neighbours.
(What we need here…is a Viking Daycare Center to nip this behaviour in the bud).
Friar’s last blog post..Watercolor #9. Yukon in the Fall
Oi. Don’t get me started on kids today. I’m not sure what happened between the time of me growing up and my siblings growing up, but it wasn’t good. I always had this mentality of not being allowed to have or ask for anything I didn’t need, but they both feel like they are *entitled* to everything! Not to mention my brother (yeah, the leukemia one) could get away with murder! I mean, I understand him getting extra privleges or stuff since he has had to go through so much crap, but there *is* (or at least should be) a limit! Like when he gets my sister a driving ticket and gets off with little to no punishment, or when he shoplifts and doesn’t have to deal with the consequences… eesh. I could go on, and on, and on…
Now I’m all riled up… just look at what you’ve started! Oi.
I really think a lot of parents are failing their kids nowadays. I’ve noticed a lot of them want to be *cool* or *hip* (I mean, look at the parents on tv… Desparate Housewives? ick.) so they don’t discipline their kids. Or, on the other hand, parents are both working full-time jobs, so they aren’t there to support their kids and help them grow into good people. Not that I’m against both the mother and the father working, but well, you know, what about the kids?
Ahem. Anyways, great post, sorry about my rant(s), and I hope this year’s day-after-Beltane is much better and happier for you and your family!
Allison’s last blog post..Taste and Create 7
Sheesh, I thought Brooklyn was bad …
Dave Navarro’s last blog post..By: Dave Navarro
@Monika,
I agree, it was probably the best thing that happened to me. At that moment, I made the decision to be a man. To take responsibility for my actions.
@Francis,
You are a wise man. Career is never more important than family, or even friends. Your career won’t come and visit you when you are sick, and dying, in the hospital. I had to figure that out too. I made some mistakes. And then, I changed.
I admit to working hard on this other stuff, on the side. But, I do it after everyone goes to bed, or early in the morning. Or heaven forbid, when I need a break at work. Work has sucked enough out of my life, I figure 5 minutes here and there is payback.
And what you said about them having to understand, or fire you. Exactly. I hear people at work talk about that, how they fear if they don’t work overtime they’ll get canned, etc.
Fire me. Go ahead, fire me. I’ve lost a child, as you know. They have no idea where I’ve been. It’s just a stupid job, I can get another one.
And you know what, beware the man with nothing to lose. Often times when people get canned, they are free to move on to greatness. Look at Steve Jobs.
*ouch* sucker punch, you bugger… heh heh heh
FDTD is a great movie. I think I’ll have to watch it again soon
@Friar,
Hey, maybe we should watch FDTD next time we have beers. One could say it has a special significance now.
Children are cool. They are little people, who need guidelines and structure. Children are smarter than most people let on, and some parents fail to see that. They can be manipulative, just like adults.
A toddler is one of the most dangerous creatures on the planet, at least mentally. If you put a toddler brain in a tiger’s body, it wouldn’t be pretty.
(Hmm, a tiger asking for milk and cookies all the time…)
Heh heh, “no Jacques, not zis one”… yes, the Little Vikings House of Wonder. That would be cool, they could have little horned helmets, and we could teach them to swordfight… and row longships.
Now there you go – renewable energy source, legions of little Vikings rowing oars, connected to generators. Who needs nuclear power?
@Allison,
I’m glad that you had a rant. That’s why we’re here, right? To speak, to exchange ideas. And you’re right on the money. I mean, you can be friends with your kids, but hey, who’s the parent?
My kids have been taken out of more restaurants for misbehaving than I can count. Don’t want to eat your food? Don’t want to behave? Then you and Daddy get to sit in the van while Mommy and the rest get to have ice cream… and you don’t want to get between Daddy and ice cream.
If you’re in a situation where both parents work, then again the onus is on the parents to find a caregiver who can do the job. It’s your kids. Shop around. Ask questions.
We have a great caregiver who goes above and beyond. Teaching them how to read. Teaching them math.
The day-after-Beltane was pretty good in the end.
It rained – glorious, warm rain – and the vampires went inside. It must have been Holy Water or something…
@Dave Navarro,
Man, I could have used your a$$ kicking boots last year…
At least in Brooklyn, when you call the police, you don’t get an answering machine.
I’m not kidding, by the way. If it’s not 911, you get an answering machine after hours.
I feel really safe…
Friars’s Theory #46 is that children are born sociopaths. They’re a totally blank slate. They have no idea between right or wrong. It’s up to parents to teach them moral values and how function in society.
This usually takes ~ 18 years (sometimes more). If you succeed, you have good kids.
If after age 18, little Damien is still setting fires and tormenting small animals, it’s not that he suddenly became a sociopath. He just never learned how to NOT BE one.
Fortunately, I’m pleased to report that the Clan of Brett is on the right track. You have pretty good kids.
Friar’s last blog post..Watercolor #9. Yukon in the Fall
@Friar,
You know, for a guy who doesn’t have any kids (yet), you sure know a lot about kids. You’d be a good dad.
(Hey, my kids love you…)
And thanks. It is nice to hear that you’re a good parent from someone else. That’s always the challenge for me, constantly evaluating myself to make sure I’m doing a good job. I guess if you always ask that question, you are…
My Mouth is hanging open.
What Canada needs is MY Mother. Nothing like a good PISSED OFF Irish/ Italian Mother to teach you right from wrong.
They call it child abuse now days and frankly that’s a damn shame.
When I ran away from home with no shoes?
SHE put me in jail.
I learned my lesson. Failed and learned,,,end of story.
Wendi Kelly’s last blog post..False Loves
Well, chances are, I probalby won’t have any kids (unless I hook up with one of the local Trailer-Park Moms and adopt her litter of Bush-Children).
But I think I DO know a little about what kids like. (Provided I just play with them and don’t have to make them clean their rooms or eat their vegetables).
But that’s okay. Not everyone can be a Mommy or Daddy.
To quote Dr. Seuss (who never had kids):
“You make ‘em, I amuse ‘em.”
Friar’s last blog post..Watercolor #9. Yukon in the Fall
@Wendi,
Canada does need your mother. And my grandmother. My grandmother, 100 percent IRISH.
She had the “grandma grip”. GI Joe’s kung fu grip had nothing on the “grandma grip”. If she got two fingers on you, you were dead meat.
It was worse than Mr. Spock’s Vulcan Neck Pinch.
There’s child abuse, and then there’s good child rearing. The difference is obvious, to the learned eye.
@Friar,
You’d better be careful, they might hook up with *you* as you have a good salary from Uncle Big Brother’s Widget Factory
Good point. You can amuse ‘em, with your paintings and your books. You can beta test your kids books on my kids. They love Garpack…
Well, I DO have the Iron Ring and I’m a home-owner. Plus Uncle Brother pays me a fair wage at the Widget Factory.
I think I’d be a good catch for one of those Trailer Moms.
Especially the ones with 7 kids who all need braces. And who will all need need tuition money for the “Learnin’ School” in the Big City.
The way things work around Splat Creek, at age 43, I could end up not only an “instant Daddy” but an “Instant Grand Daddy”.
Friar’s last blog post..Watercolor #9. Yukon in the Fall
Friar,
Don’t be afraid. They won’t need tuition, they’ll have a bright (literally, as they’ll be glowing in the dark!) future in waste management at the newly renamed “Uncle Big Brother’s Waste Management Emporium”…
And you got your math wrong… in Splat Creek, you can be a great-grandparent at 43… ewww…
(Don’t laugh. I’ve seen it.)
In the middle of cleaning the house and I just had to check back.
@Friar – You’re my age, ya old man. Ha! Now I know you have that major conjunction going on with Mars, Pluto, and Uranus. Makes us kinda edgy, revolutionary, and pissy. Yeah, you would be a good catch.
@Francis – Yeah, it starts at home and if it doesn’t society is a complete mess. Microcosm makes the macrocosm.
@Allison – I so agree that the media bleeds into it all. I’ve seen the commercials for Desperate Housewifes and they just piss me off. I don’t need to watch some dumb rich people get all mean and nasty with eachother. It doesn’t make it any better if there’s money involved.
Good post, Brett. Excellent social commentary going on here. And who says bloggers can’t change the world?
Ellen Wilson’s last blog post..Smoking Weeds
My mother has that grip and she taught it to me.
If I get two fingers on you just above your elbow I can take you down and I don’t care how big or strong you think you are. AND if I can do it to you while I am giving you the *evil* eye I can make you pee your pants…
It pays to be trained by Italian/ Irish Celtics.
James…just for the record…yes…that was bragging…oh well.
Wendi Kelly’s last blog post..False Loves
@Ellen,
Thank you for saying that. I do think we can change the world – writers do it all the time, and that’s what we are – but in a different medium. A more agile medium.
@Everyone,
As Ellen said, a social commentary today – thank you for being a part of it. This is the best part, after the work of writing is done.
@Wendi,
Okay, now you’re scaring me – the two-finger pinch, and the *evil* eye… I just about peed my pants reading that (from laughing, however
)
I think James is afraid to comment – in case he gets the pinch & *evil* eye.
Writing posts in your head can seriously cause sleep deprivation! I love the movie From Dusk Till Dawn and I’m not even going to get into how I feel about George Clooney (who of course, is the star of the film). Yowsers!
I was thinking about teens and failing as I read this and it occurred to me that the trick is to fail early and often but also to learn from failures instead of letting them make you grow bitter. I see a lot of that and failure’s no good if it makes you an old meanie.
Another great one Brett
Melissa Donovan’s last blog post..The Free-Lance Muse
Melissa,
I agree with you there… I do it all the time, I wake up at 2 am or 3 am and just can’t stop thinking.
Hey, I think I hit on something again here, it seems like quite a few people like FDTD and at least one person has a soft spot for Mr. Clooney
(Well, he’s a pretty good looking guy.)
That’s right – you can’t let failures get to you, because failure on some level is inevitable. That’s just life. But we must learn from them, and move ahead.
Thanks for that, BTW – I had fun writing it!
I can only sit here and laugh at Viking Day Care and FDTD. Love it…My mom would have had her hairbrush out faster than a Samurai can shake his sword… hoodlums, little wankin’ hoodlums.
The toe shoes are making sense now…
Janice Cartier’s last blog post..The Function of Form
It’s not just Canada and it’s not just kids.
In the 70’s I had a partnership in a storefront operation. We had a dumpster out back that of course we had to pay for, and it kept getting filled up with trash that obviously wasn’t ours and it got expensive. So I decided to keep an eye on it.
So here comes a guy from the neighborhood behind the stores carrying bags of trash which he proceeds to put in our dumpster. I walked over and confronted him, saying “Hey – I pay for dumping that and you’re filling it up!”
The guy looked at me and said “Give me any more crap and I’ll go get a baseball bat and take your effing head off.”
So I called the police.
They were totally uninterested. Uninterested in the misuse of my property, and uninterested in the threat.
I asked “So what do I have to do, let him him hit me?”
“Yeah. Call us if he does.”
Great country.
Tony Lawrence’s last blog post..Linux Lunacy by Anthony Lawrence
Brett,
It’s just awful that these things can’t be taken care of at some point in the growth of these kids. That’s a stinky story, and I hope that your town is more peaceful this year. Maybe your venerable officers will stay on in the evening this year. An ounce of prevention is worth a lot more than a pound of cure, and the laws do bind the police pretty badly, it’s true.
*TMI alert*
Your story grabbed me because it has similarities to another. I hit delete several times, thinking I wouldn’t write this, but I don’t want people to think it’s just a “kids today” thing. I think it’s a story of showing your kids you love them.
Once, somewhat long ago, there was a mischievous tyke. His parents were busy hating each other and took no time to care what he was doing. They made sure he was polite in public and that was about it.
He moved on to causing slightly larger problems, like setting fires and blowing small things up. Still no attention, no punishment. His grades were good and he didn’t get arrested. No punishment, no matter what. Also, no love.
He grew up. Well, he got taller. His problems got larger; by the third wife, they sometimes involved the law, but he was never stopped for long. One day, he literally threatened to kill his own wife. In their own front yard. In front of witnesses, including their daughter, who was six.
Naturally, the wife called the police. They were impressed enough to hang on to the mischievous tyke for one night. This is what the court later said: “He’s a good man, he’s never been convicted before, and he has a job. I believe you, but not beyond a reasonable doubt.” Though the problems continued, every “not guilty” set up the next farce, as in, “Yes, he has an arrest record, but he’s an upstanding member of the community, and he’s never been convicted, so he should have very liberal visitation.”
He does.
It’s not just Canada, and though it IS permissive parents, it isn’t just “kids today.”
Parents, if all we’ve got is time-out, and we can’t knock the stuffin’ out of our kids like some of our parents did, then time-out ‘em to death. Make sure teachers and principals watch ‘em like hawks, too. Too many schools have a “kids will be kids” attitude, or worse yet, a “that’s not our problem” attitude. It’s everybody’s problem, or it will be soon, when they’re grown. It isn’t the hairbrush, it’s the caring, which time-outs and detentions can deliver. They need to know you love them, and sometimes stopping the behaviors while they’re still mischievous tykes shows love better than anything else.
Hey, it ain’t all wiggly eyebrows.
Regards,
Kelly
P.S. While I was writing, Tony stole “it’s not just Canada, but I’m leaving it in. :p
Kelly’s last blog post..Tip of the Week: Stand and Deliver
@Janice,
I’m glad that you liked the Viking Day Care… and FDTD, somehow I have a way of taking something that doesn’t make sense, and fitting it into my life
Like my toe shoes…
@Tony,
You are right. It is an epidemic. Lack of respect, which starts at the self, and then spreads outwards to other people.
Thank you for sharing your story, because it parallels what happened at my house very closely. I didn’t fill in all of the details above, but it continued as I spoke with the police.
I couldn’t believe what they said. They said, “you have to choose your battles, these kids are just drunk and they didn’t really do anything.”
They went on. They said, “be careful, if you think these kids are bad, you should see the next group coming up, the 13 to 14 year olds, they are really bad, if you confront them, they’ll come back and wreck your car.”
I looked at them and said, “are you threatening me?”
I mean, what kind of a thing is that to say if you are a police officer? Do nothing to protect yourself, but we can’t either?
As you said, great country.
@Kelly,
I am glad that you shared your story, and it isn’t TMI. Because what happened in this case, didn’t have to happen. Other adults should feel a responsibility to help out in these cases too.
Why I say this, is that I know a little boy about 7 years of age, the middle child of some people who used to live in our town. They’ve since moved on.
Anyway, this little boy was known around town as being a bit of a bull in china shop, always knocking down other kids. His father did nothing. Once, his older sister’s birthday party, the little boy smushed his mother’s lipstick into the carpet. The mother said to the father, “what are you going to do about it?” The father said, “well, it’s too late to do anything.” And they did nothing.
People around the town talked about the little boy and said how bad he was.
Okay.
I’m not a child care professional or anything like that. I’d met the little boy 5 or 6 times, and I noticed he seemed to have problems with his speech development. He doesn’t speak as well as other kids his age.
He needs help. He’s frustrated, and reaching out, no one is helping him, so he’s striking out. I told his parents, and they told me to mind my own business.
Cripes, this is Canada, you don’t have to pay for this kind of professional help.
The child isn’t a monster, yet. He’s a little boy. He’s good looking, and smart. I can see it in his eyes. He came to our son’s birthday party, and people (adults) were whispering about him knocking down other kids.
Then, I saw him up in the treehouse in my backyard. He got up there, and was stuck. He was frightened. He was a little boy, needing help. So I helped him down.
And his parents, his stupid parents, are ignoring him.
He’s not a lost cause. Not yet. He just needs help, and love.
Kids need to know you care enough about them to set boundaries.
Again, thanks for sharing, Kelly. And I’m happy that the lady in your story isn’t with the mischievous tyke anymore.
She is a good lady, and deserves much better. She’ll find it.
-Brett
Kelly- It is the caring.
Janice Cartier’s last blog post..The Function of Form
Brett, yup to everything.
Sad stories about kids make you want to hug every kid extra… then give ‘em all eighty-five time-outs, for all the hugs and time-outs they won’t get anywhere else.
My story didn’t bug me, I’ve heard it before… but your kid in the tree made me teary. *tissue alert!*
Janice… yup.
Kelly’s last blog post..Tip of the Week: Stand and Deliver
Kelly,
I actually talked with my wife shortly after I wrote that comment, and we spoke about the little boy I mentioned.
Very sad. I then thought of another child I know *tissue alert ahead*
A little girl in my son’s class. She doesn’t speak much, and cries a lot. She had an older brother who passed away of leukemia, and her mother hasn’t handled it very well. The mother all but ignores the little girl, and she is either silent and solemn, or crying.
Beautiful kid. I had heard the story, but not met the child until a couple of years ago when I went to my son’s Kindergarten class to tell them what I did at work. It was sort of a “show and tell” thing.
Anyway, I stayed for a while after I had talked with the class (hey, I had the day off), and it was story time. The little girl brought me a book, and I read it to her. Then she brought me another, and another, and another. I got her to laugh, and the teacher talked with me about it after. The little girl hadn’t laughed in months.
I could have cried. I hope someone looks after her.
Brett,
For kind-hearted souls like you, there are not arms big enough to take them all in. Boo-hoo. Thank goodness your own babes will never have those worries.
Later,
Kelly
Kelly’s last blog post..Tip of the Week: Stand and Deliver
Kelly,
You know, I’ve been sort of thinking a bit about some other stuff lately. The other night, we talked about how it was to have little babies, how nice it was. Now, we’re not about to do that again right this minute, as we have our little tribe.
And then I was thinking, later on when our children have grown, perhaps we’ll give back. The world can use foster parents, and we know a couple here who do that. Incredible people. Maybe we can do the same.
You two are close to my heart here. A book, a drawing, a paint brush and some time…some of these kids are starved for just a moment or two of someone being “present” for them. Listening, or more, hearing them.
…oops, pass the tissues…
Janice Cartier’s last blog post..The Function of Form
Janice,
As are you. It doesn’t take much, does it, when you think about it. Yet so many don’t get anything at all, what with Blackberries, television and so forth. Very sad.
Brett! This is such a timely post! I was just given a hard time for taking my kid to a movie with sex, drugs, and bad language but almost violence…yet no one said a word when we took him to a movie FULL of violence where there was no cursing or sex. WTF? Since when is sex bad and violence good? No wonder we grow up thinking it’s ok to do shit like this!
“Perhaps we ‘ll give back” , as if you aren’t already…crazy man. One of the best things you can give the world is a child with a heap of character…one , two, three… four…little vikings I count…
Janice Cartier’s last blog post..The Function of Form
Sandie,
You were given a hard time, and yet, it is obvious that you are a wonderful mother, you are doing a great job, and you’re looking after that little boy better than anyone could.
It doesn’t make sense. *You* are the parent, and the best one to decide what is good for your boy.
Brett,
I hear you. There’s a shelter near that lady, she’d give the clothes off her back to help them out, for the kindnesses they once did for her. Kind-hearted people have to find ways to give back. Being a foster parent is probably very tough but I suspect you two have the heart for it.
And don’t get me started, I miss babies so much!
My daughter says she’s going to adopt. I think she has a sense that there are little ones who will need her, who haven’t even been born yet. She’s got a big heart too.
Until later,
Kelly
Kelly’s last blog post..Tip of the Week: Stand and Deliver
Sandie- I hear you. They are so wrong for that.
Janice Cartier’s last blog post..The Function of Form
Janice,
Thank you! Our little Vikings certainly do have character. I am quite proud of them, and they definitely brighten my day
I know they will pass that on to the world.
Kelly,
I know that lady is giving back, and in other ways too, even as simple as making others laugh and smile.
For now, there are other things too. I’ll probably volunteer with Scouts or Big Brothers or something, once our children are a little bit older.
To give someone something that they could not have had ordinarily.
Your daughter sounds like she’s got things figured out, much like her mom
-Brett
Wow, lots of amazing discussion going on.
1 – People, please remind me not to visit blatantly Canadian sites (unlike MwP, where I have to hide my freakin’ nationality so I don’t upset people in business.) Because I hop on the link train and ride myself to stuff like this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I_Am_Canadian and get lost in funny Canadian commercials. Shit. Who says Canucks aren’t patriotic, eh?
2 – Youth Act, the law, and growing up. Um, okay, so I did some bad things at some point in my life and landed me a trip to the cop shop. I have mug shots, was fingerprinted, the works. (The cops were trying to give me a HELL of a good scare and they succeeded. I see that now. I didn’t then.)
I also have a criminal record. Just two months over 18, I was charged as an adult. My friend, just one month shy of 17 and having been arrested for something far worse than what I did at the same moment, walked. She’d received the same treatment.
I was considered a fine, upstanding young boy from a fine family. My friend was considered one of those kids from the loser families. The police treated us equally, the courts charged us differently because of age.
Fast forward 18 years. I have never broken the law again. I am deeply ashamed of what I did (which was stupid kid stuff) and I have never requested a pardon for my criminal record because that is the consequences of my actions that I must live with to remind me of what stupid gets you into.
Not so my friend. Several runins with the law, jobless, off-and-on boyfriends, some battery, a court case… she turned into bad news and still is, I guess.
Age doesn’t matter. Nationality doesn’t matter. It’s the values that you were raised with that shape you for the rest of your life. It’s what you believe to be right and wrong that matters.
Kids will fuck up. Really. From small to big things, they’ll make some pretty stupid mistakes. How they are charged or handled by the police isn’t really relevant, because how they feel about what they did matters far more.
IMO.
James Chartrand – Men with Pens’s last blog post..Drive-by-Shooting Sundays: Blog Badly
Brett,
It’s Sunday morning and I just woke up a little bit ago and I had a disturbing dream.
I was climbing up many flights of stairs in a tall corporate building and when I pushed open the doors of the last floor, I went in and the room was bustling with activitiy and busyness. It was a room full of gardens and workers were raking and hoeing and bundling up loads of produce into wheelbarrels to take away on conveyer belts to take off to market. Supervisors were pointing and instructing and writing on their clipboards.
I overheard bits of a conversation about “kids today…really need to shape ‘em them up” and “rotten little buggers” “Somebody needs to realize there’s a problem”
I wandered over closer to the gardens to look at what they were growing and I realized that they were growing giant cupcakes and candybars and cookies the size of sunflowers. Chocolate, sprouting out of the ground like zuccini should have been, all tangled-weaving in and out. Climbing-from what should have been bean poles-were pop cans.
I shouted, “HEY, You can’t grow this here! Where’s the vegetables?”
A man with lukewarm eyes turned them with barely a shrug of his shoulder over to one small corner. “Over there.”
I walked over to a dusty area in a dark section of the room where one slow moving, heavy-set woman sat on a chair looking at the ground.
I peered down into the dirt. Tiny little cabbages the size of peas, only a handful, languished there.
“Where are the vegetables?” I asked her, starting to panic.
“Kids won’t eat ‘em, we don’t grow ‘em.” She turned her head away from me and spit in the dirt.
I turned back to survey the happy supervisors bustling about as the panic started to rise up in my throat. I started screaming, my heart was pounding.
“DON”T YOU KNOW YOU CAN”T RAISE KIDS WITHOUT VEGETABLES. DON’T YOU KNOW YOU HAVE TO MAKE THEM DO THINGS THEY DON’T WANT TO DO JUST BECAUSE IT’S GOOD FOR THEM???”
Nobody listened.
I woke up, I could feel my heart pounding.
I said….That Darn Brett …This is all his fault, that whole post and the comments made me have this dream.
Wendi Kelly’s last blog post..False Loves
Wendi,
I was laughing so hard when I read this that I was crying and my sides hurt
It’s my fault, guilty as charged! Give my your address, and I’ll FedEx you some cabbages (and maybe some chocolate too…)
James,
Thanks for sharing that.
I did some “not good” stuff too. And was lucky, very very lucky (as in, people could have been hurt).
Lucky to not be caught. Lucky that my friends and I one day said, “enough’s enough”.
We can thank our parents for that.
Brett, can you write a post about the Planet of the Double-D Cup Beach Volleyball Nymphomaniacs?
I’d like to dream, too.
Friar’s last blog post..Another Small Town Moment…
Friar,
I could do that. But you’d best be careful that the dream doesn’t morph into “Planet of the Procedure Queens”, you know how that would turn out, you’d be surrounded by jack-booted Facility Authority clones
James,
1 – You hide it so well.
2 – I’m glad you grew from those experiences. I hope your Ma whipped the tar out of you, too. Or at least I hope you were really, really ashamed of letting her down. Maybe that’s what your friend didn’t have. Someone to hang her head and cry in front of. Kids need that.
Internal motivation is good, but it starts with the carrot and the stick—otherwise we’d all still be crying for food, sleep, and a change of diaper, because that’s all the internal motivation we’re born with. When we’re young, the external things help us develop our internal motivators. Without that guidance: Trouble.
3 – There was no 3.
So I gotta ask, since we’re talking about little ones: Were you trouble all along and then had your aha! moment and grew from it, or was it just a late-teenage-phase, good dude before and good dude after?
Until later,
Kelly
Kelly’s last blog post..Get In On the Action: Business Cards of Bloggers
Yeah….aint’ it the truth?
What I’d LIKE to dream about is flying a star-ship and conquering the Latex Planet of Amazonia.
But what do I ACTUALLY dream about? I’m in Grade 9, I’ve forgotten my locker combination, and I’m late for the final exam which I havent’ studied for.
For Chrissakes. THIS what my subconcious wants…?
Dreams can suck, sometimes.
Friar’s last blog post..Another Small Town Moment…
@ Kelly – No, I didn’t get the tar whipped out of me. I never told my mother until I received the summons to appear in court. She helped me get a lawyer and that was it. I went through the process alone.
Bear in mind that she’s an intelligent woman and listened to my side of the story. She can be pretty objective and there was no point in punishing me twice.
I’m not sure if she wanted me to face the consequences of my actions, learn from the experience or because she had bigger problems to deal with at that time.
I like to think I was raise with good values. It helped that we were a middle-to-high class family when I was young, I think. My friend was low-class family for sure and had a rough life.
Was I bad with a revelation moment? Hm. No, I don’t think so. Most of my wild teen years were clearly rebellion and acting out to our home situation (my Dad had severe Alzheimer’s and I was pretty much needing attention – hindsight). I could’ve gone quite deep and not come back, I think, but on the other hand, I had such a firm, strong knowledge of what was right and wrong that maybe going down wasn’t ever a possibility.
Hard to say.
When I dropped out of CEGEP (your college) – gasp – I came back to the country and got my shit together. I think. I don’t remember much of the years between 15 and 17, unfortunately.
James Chartrand – Men with Pens’s last blog post..Drive-by-Shooting Sundays: Blog Badly
@ Friar
That dream for me is the theater dream. I hate that dream and I have it now and then and it is rarely different.
I find myself out on stage obviousily in the middle of a play. Everyone is talking to me and they all know their lines and the action and blocking and I have no stinking CLUE what my lines are or even what play we are in and I am faking it and making it all up as I go along and my heart is pounding and so far they don’t seem to be noticing but any minute they are all…going…to catch…on………….
and I’m thinking. “F#@$ why didn’t I just learn my damn lines?????”
Wendi Kelly’s last blog post..False Loves
@ Wendy Kelly
Stupid anxiety dreams, eh? I hate ‘em!
It’s always about forgetting your lines, or missing an exam, or being late, or having no clothes on…being unprepared.
I had this scary nun in Grade 3. To this day I still have nightmares about being back in that school.
(And I’m not too crazy about nuns, either!)
Friar’s last blog post..Another Small Town Moment…
I *was* the Mum of a child going seriously off the rails at 14, our Youth Justice System sucks too, and we live on a pretty rough council estate, so I can relate to this post on lots of levels, Brett.
I’ve written a bit on Student Mum about the Saga of Eldest Daughter. Thankfully she has put it all behind her now, but for a year her behaviour was outrageous, meaning constant trips to the youth court. She came very close to a custodial sentence, which at the time i thought would be the best thing for her and was frustrated with the magistrates by what I saw as prolonging the agony.
But I’m glad now that she avoided a custodial sentence because it’s very rare a young person does only one custodial sentence. Most of those people she was associating with at the time are now repeat offenders, in and out of establishments and I’m sad to say they will probably be criminals for the rest of their lives. The problem is they are locked up, to prevent their negative effects on society, but nothing has changed when they are released. They are no different in their attitude or aspirations, in fact they often come out of such places with worse attitudes and more knowledge of criminal behaviour.
And to be honest, I liked most of them. They were polite and respectful in my home, fiercely loyal to each other and most of them were incredibly creatively talented in some way. Such an awful waste of potential. And in almost every case, they had been terribly let down somewhere along the way.
So, what to do? I don’t have any answers. Just tears for the heart-breaking stories and heart-warming thoughts in your comments. And a sense of frustration and helplessness when I think of all the lost children in the world.
And thanks to you for starting such a thought-provoking conversation, Brett!
There’s an African saying: It takes a village to raise a child. Teachers, police officers, parents, extended family, neighbours, shopkeepers … we all want the same thing, but we all seem somehow isolated from each other. And individually we all have our hands tied. We’re all separate parts of what used to be one close-knit community. (Ironically, as the global community has become closer, it seems local community becomes less so.)
Dianne Murphy-Rodgers’s last blog post..Parenting Confidence: Nurturing Your Confidence as a Parent
Hmmm.. Cops are the same everywhere I see. Happy nothing untoward happaned.
I remember Jackie Chan explaining once why he never picked a fight as a boy. He said, “Someone, somewhere, will beat the bully up. I don’t have to be that person.”
This might have looked different if it had come from someone else. I could have assumed he was chicken. But Jackie could actually have beaten him up. And he didn’t.
You might still go into creative daydreams regarding what you want to do to those kids. But you won’t. Because then you would be the same as them. And that is not true.
So there. Point made.
P.S: Agree so much with the running and ideas coming thing. Totally relate. I walk though.
vimoh’s last blog post..How to Get Lucky
@James,
You obviously were raised with good values, that much I know from getting to know you. So was I, and as I said, I did a lot of stuff too, things that had I been caught… well, I might not be typing this today.
But I was lucky, my friends and I said “enough” and pulled ourselves back on course. Perhaps it was more than luck.
All kids will push the boundaries to some extent, and sometimes need a guiding hand. As they get older, hopefully less so, until they become mature adults.
Sadly, some never do get what they need.
@Friar and Wendi,
I’ve had the “sitting in class not wearing underpants” dream. Wonder if the Gnomes stole them?
And the “I forgot to attend class all year in a subject” dream.
I read recently that these stressful dreams are natural, and help to keep us ‘ready for action’.
@Diane,
There isn’t really an easy answer, and I’m happy that things have worked out in your case. You are right, if the kids do get locked up, it may be too far down the wrong path already.
As you say, it takes a village to raise a child. In my case last year, I was saddened when I finally sat down to think about it. It was obvious that the police had given up on these kids. I told other adults the story, and they would say, “kids will be kids”, or whatever. They, too, had given up in my opinion.
And then, I remember when I was about that age, in a car with a friend and we were pulled over for speeding late one night. The officer did not give us a ticket. The officer said, “we’re going to go visit your folks, and you’re going to explain to them what you did.”
*gulp* imagine going home and having to wake up your parents that way.
Never again.
Thank *you* for being a part of this thought-provoking conversation.
Thank you to everyone, for that matter.
@vimoh,
Jackie Chan is a wise man, and he is right. Karma and all that.
I admit to being angered initially, I mean, who wouldn’t be. But as I thought about it over the following days, I really felt for these kids. Parents, police, community – letting them down.
When we don’t help those amongst us through difficult situations, we let ourselves down.
This is what I’ve noticed. Generally, your kids will manifest what you haven’t psychologically worked out in your own family dynamic. If your try to hide things, bottle them up…well that’s going to come out. Some how.
This is what I’ve noticed about my son – he has been taken advantage by people because he is too trusting, too naive. People have a light side, and a dark side. It pays to pay attention.
If someone isn’t nice, it doesn’t mean you have to bow down, thinking they will turn around and be nice. Because some people are manipulative, and they don’t play by the same rules you do.
I used to work in the public school system (teaching) and kids would throw crayons at my head. No, they weren’t in grade school. They were high schoolers. Anyway, they learned how to manipulate people and try to get away with all of this shit behavior. I mean, really, can you imagine throwing crayons at people’s heads when you were in high school? Bullshit! But the authorities expected it, they acted like it was no big deal. I did not feel protected. Any these guys were BIG. They could of killed me if they wanted. But I wasn’t afraid. Because it was so digusting.
I guess what I’m trying to say is don’t get used to it. Stand up to this kind of behavior and tell kids, whoever, that is wrong. Don’t look the other way. We all know of times when we can confront people.
You know, I just got sick of it. I learned where and when to fight my battles. I can’t save everyone.
Thank you for reading my essay on inappropriate behavior.
Ellen Wilson’s last blog post..Bodhisattva Blogger
Ellen,
Thank you for sharing this. That is why this happens, I agree. Because too many people stop caring. Turn a blind eye. Say, “kids will be kids”. No. We have to say, “look, son, this is wrong.”
That’s why I was disgusted that the police didn’t seem to do anything, and furthermore, went on to say that the “next batch is even worse” – for God’s sakes, the next batch of kids are say, 13 or 14 years old. They’re not beyond reach. They need guidance, help. Something.
Maybe a month at a logging camp, to straighten them out.
There are a lot of bored kids, and the devil makes work for idle hands.
Well, Nick is a good kid. I don’t need to send him to logging camp. Ha!
But logging camp isn’t such a bad thing. It’s called “Forestry.”
I really don’t know. Maybe it’s always been bad. I have a feeling it has been. There’s just more people now.
The roving bands just change faces.
Ellen Wilson’s last blog post..Bodhisattva Blogger
Ellen,
Nick is a good kid, because you are a good mom.
There are more people now, and a lot of them have *much* more than people used to have. So much so, that their kids might be a little out of touch with reality. If you’re young and have no responsibility, and get everything you want, perhaps for some there’s no incentive to try.
Ellen, Brett,
I spent much of my childhood in a semi-rural area outside Chicago, which I understand is now fully urban. Anyway, back then, we thought that cow-tipping was the most wicked and dangerous thing you could ever do.
I moved before I got old enough to risk my life at it. There is a point: there was a lot more elbow room once upon a time, and close quarters has something to do with finding less quaint wickedness to get into. It’s not the whole answer (bad’s always been there, but closets to hide it in were darker once). More people and less space has to be a part of the answer.
Yes, eventually I did discover that there were more wicked things to do, but I’ve always had my “no harm to others” philosophy to see me through. Post-hippie/Catholic mix.
& I’m still wicked, in a nice way.
Until later,
Kelly
Kelly’s last blog post..Get In On the Action: Business Cards of Bloggers
Kelly,
I agree with you completely. I grew up here (Pleasantville) and believe me – there is a lot of space, so you’d generally have to go out of your way to find serious trouble.
Dennis the Menace could fire his slingshot in just about any direction and not have to worry about breaking a window. Not so in the city…
I talked once with my wife about our respective childhoods. She was sort of poking fun at my country upbringing because we didn’t have “the mall” or “McD’s”, and I sat all quiet-like for a bit. She kind of teased me about the cat having my tongue.
And then I said, “I didn’t have the mall, but I had a *motorcycle* – a little dirt bike, when I was only 7 years old – and the freedom to ride it, so long as I was home for meals. And when I was 8 years old, I got an air rifle. And I never once injured an animal, or broke a window. You can have the mall…”
Of course, my wife turned out well also (great parents!) but as you say, more bodies in a confined space. If you swing your arm in a crowded room, you’re going to hit someone.
Now, wickedness…
Wickedness is a good thing, if properly implemented
Stay wicked…
(“properly implemented”, geez, I sound like I’m at work, must be Sunday night…)
@kelly I agree about there being less elbow room! When people are piled on top of each other, there’s bound to be trouble. How different the world would be though, if we all lived by your lovely “do no harm” philosophy!
)
@Brett Yes, kids today seem to suffer boredom a lot. They have access to so much technological entertainment, I think they have failed to develop the capacity to entertain themselves.
My eldest daughter is always saying, “I’m bored!” (My youngest daughter however will happily spend the day on a local farm or down at the beach helping out with the pony rides.) My answer is always, “Well, I can find lots for you to do around here!”
Which usually results in a complaint of, “You don’t understand!”
Dianne Murphy-Rodgers’s last blog post..Parenting Confidence: Nurturing Your Confidence as a Parent
@Diane,
Exactly! Our children have been literally given the world by their grandparents at birthdays, Christmas and so forth. Toys upon toys upon toys.
Yet, once the batteries die… no interest. So we had a clean-up, a few weeks ago. Probably 60-70 percent of the toys went to charity.
The best toys they own are things like soccer balls, basketballs and so forth. Because we actually get to take the time to play with them, talk with them, teach them something, and learn something at the same time.
Birthdays are coming up in about two weeks.
And what are they getting? Bicycles.
Bicycles, fresh air, and time spent together.
I just spent this Sunday with my brother and his two Katzenjammer Kids.
OMG. I’ve had enough. The older one was constantly mouthing off Uncle Friar. He tried to hit Daddy. Tantrums and trauma off-and-on all afternoon.
It was time to leave. Daddy asked if there was anything they’d like to say to Uncle Friar (i.e. “Thank you for the good time”).
No! No! No! They refused. They claimed they had a “Yucky time”. The refused to give Uncle Friar a hug or even a “high-five”.
Time to leave. They’re loaded in the car, and I caused a tantrum. You see, they wanted Daddy to close the car door. But Uncle Friar closed it instead.
I closed the car door. My God.
So this warranted a major tantrum. SCREEECH! WAHHHHH! DADDY CLOSE DOOR! DADDY CLOSE DOOR!
So much for waving “bye-bye”.
So I’ve had enough.
Time for me to get a vasectomy.
I’m not even dating anyone rigth now. But time to get a vasectomy anyway.
Friar’s last blog post..A Honkin’ Good Time
@Friar Lol! Yes, that sounds like a good idea, because in my experience, it only gets worse!
In fact, my two were angels until they went to secondary school. The truth is I don’t have any problems with the youngest, apart from normal hormonal outbursts, generally consisting of stomping upstairs and slamming her door. But my lovely first-born, full of sunshine and smiles, suddenly morphed into an uncontrollable, frankly scary alien who raged at the world. With behaviour that horrified me and everyone we know.
But thank fully, my lovely wise Mum kept it all together with her faith in the fact that we had instilled the right things in my daughter and that she would come through in the end. Perhaps it’s right what they say about the first 7 years being the most important in shaping a child?
Sorry to hear you had such a rotten day! You sound like a great uncle, it’s a shame you weren’t appreciated.
Dianne Murphy-Rodgers’s last blog post..Parenting Confidence: Nurturing Your Confidence as a Parent
@Kelly- Ha! Cow tipping! My grandpa in this little town outside Milwaukee used to drag the farm animals on top of the barn for a Halloween practical joke. At least that’s what my dad told me.
@Brett- I’m an alright parent. I think one of the best things I have done with my kids is say I’m sorry if I make a mistake. I think they really appreciate that. It shows I’m human and not some god like parent.
Ellen Wilson’s last blog post..Bodhisattva Blogger
@Friar – What is a Katzenjammer? Even “good” kids will get on your nerves, hell, we ALL get on eachothers nerves once in awhile. And we can delete stuff online, but we can’t shove words back in our mouths here at home.
@Tony – That’s the problem with cops. They won’t do anything unless someone assaults you. And then it may be too late.
Ellen Wilson’s last blog post..Bodhisattva Blogger
@Ellen You’re so right, nobody’s perfect! But you sound like a wonderful Mum (wonderful person) … tolerant of imperfection in others and honest about your own imperfections.
Can’t speak for the whole of the UK but in Scarborough, the police have arrested and charged people for swearing (causing distress to others) and sometimes take threats to kill very seriously, as an imprisonable offence. But there is little consistency in arrests, charges and sentences. We still live in a place where aggressive and violent behaviour is seen as a ‘normal’ part of life and is often ignored, by the police and the community.
I think the community ignore it from either fear or lethargy (because sadly they don’t even see it as a problem). I wonder how much the police’s response depends on policies? With things like targets. Or with all the pc stuff like human rights and free speech, which I passionately agree with, but which, taken to extremes, reduce the rights of others. We *all* have the right to live in a world free from violence, or the fear or the threat of violence.
But perhaps it has as much to do with resources or with individual personalities within the police force? This has all triggered a very interesting conversation at home too … thanks to all the excellent comments on here!
Dianne Murphy-Rodgers’s last blog post..Parenting Confidence: Nurturing Your Confidence as a Parent
@Dianne, Did I read that right? They arrest you for swearing, but SOMETIMES take threats to kill seriously and violence is a normal part of life?
HUH?
Get the bat. You guys need to knock some sense into some public officials over there. Use your vote and GET THEM OUT.
That is insane.
Wendi Kelly’s last blog post..False Loves
@Brett Going back to what you were saying about young people needing to be taught an important lesson quickly …
Eldest daughter says the *only* one of her peers (who have been in the justice sytem, maybe 25 in total) who has turned her life around after a custodial sentence is a girl of 17 who was sent to adult prison. She apparently had a terrible time, but it worked and she has left that life far behind her. Perhaps the Short Sharp Shock really is the way to go.
We have something here in the Uk called an ASBO (Anti Social Behavioural Order) with apparently imminent threat of custodial sentence. But kids are more likely to be electronically tagged due to lack of space in institutions. They know this of course which is why the ASBO is generally useless. It’s all crazy!
Dianne Murphy-Rodgers’s last blog post..Parenting Confidence: Nurturing Your Confidence as a Parent
@Wendi Kelly Yes, you did! With both swearing and threats to kill, I have known cases of people being charged and of people not being charged. I have no idea who decides which are and which are not!
Yes, it’s insane. And confusing. And there’s no wonder kids are reacting like they are. Take the swearing, for example: kids are arrested and charged, but we hear policemen swearing, teachers, politicians … We tell them they should show respect but they are given little in return.
The same goes for much behaviour. As a society, we tell them one thing, but show them another. It’s a crazy world!
Dianne Murphy-Rodgers’s last blog post..Parenting Confidence: Nurturing Your Confidence as a Parent
@Diane – I try. If I’m not as honest as I can be that’s when I know I’m falling off my path. Right now my son is really pissing me off (but that’s a long story, about a dumb car he bought, and shouldn’t have) and I am really losing my patience with him. We are going to have to have a long talk when he gets home. The thing is we all make mistakes, and then other people are affected by our mistakes. That is really hard for me to deal with. I guess it’s all about forgiveness, and I hang onto things and let myself stew. We have to have tolerance, yes, for eachother. And thank you for letting me write this, because now I see more clearly what I have to do with our talk.
This is turning into Brett’s online Therapy Board! Ha!
Ellen Wilson’s last blog post..Bodhisattva Blogger
@Diane. Thanks for the support! Well, I don’t want to blow my own horn, but I think I AM a good uncle. Just my nephews dont’ seem to realize this.
But there are plenty of other of my friends’ kids who come screaming with delight whenever “Uncle Friar” comes to visit.
I have the same effect on dogs.
@Ellen. The “Katzenjammer Kids” is an old comic strip about two mischevious boys. Hans and Fritz. It started in 1897…the comic was pretty popular right up to the 1950’s.
I thought they had finished decades ago. But apparenlty (according to Wickipedia) the Katzenjammer Kids is still being published today.
Friar’s last blog post..A Honkin’ Good Time
@Friar,
I’ll take your brother’s kids for a month. Give them some love, and attention. Maybe a knuckle sandwich or two
but seriously they aren’t beyond saving…
Besides, I feel partly responsible for your day, I was supposed to drop off some kids movies for them. Not that it would have likely helped
If you get a vasectomy, don’t do it in Splat Creek… they might take out your liver by mistake!
@Ellen,
If you can admit fault to your child, you’re really ahead of many other parents. My children all know I fail from time to time, and they also know that it is important to keep on trying.
Katzenjammer – the word itself has a literal translation from German – “wailing cat”… I can see that some kids might fit this!
@Dianne,
I really think that does work, a short sharp shock. You need to know someone cares enough about you to kick you in the a$$, and then hug you.
@Ellen again,
Brett’s online Therapy Board… I think if I’m the doctor, well, the therapy is just as good for me, as it is for everyone else.
@All:
Thank you. Thank you so very much for being a part of this. You make it all worthwhile.
I need to turn this into a business model, seriously. I could do this. Never mind the nuclear engineering stuff.
@Ellen On apologizing for msitakes – I do that too. We’re big on being honest and open in our house…so if we screw up, we admit it. My kid has taken to calling me on my mistakes. It’s kind of annoying, but it also shows he’s not afraid to talk to me about it.
Hey Brett, You definitely did hit on something with FDTD. Now you can be a barefoot, kilt-wearing, Viking Vampire! Where’s the George Clooney pic? Ahem.
Melissa Donovan’s last blog post..Are You Cut Out for Freelance Writing?
@Sandie,
I’m not surprised that your little guy keeps you honest. He’s such a smart little dude – never mind are you smarter than a 5th grader, are you smarter than Sandie’s MonkeyBoy would be even better
@Melissa,
I’m still smiling about this one, considering it was really the product of random thoughts on a 50 minute run. I should think of my business plans tonight when I go out… of course, I’ll be an organic beer and coffee selling poetry writing barefoot kilt-wearing Viking Vampire…
And, because you asked:
http://www.solarnavigator.net/films_movies_actors/actors_films_images/george_clooney_swimming_mid_air_jump.jpg
This is a funny pic of George…
Yet another reason I love running so much! You get such kick butt ideas when your legs are churning and heart is pumping. Your mind is free and as you are feeling that Prefontatine like moment of feeling like you can run forever, the ideas are just pouring out and you get a really cool idea to blog about vampires, kids and vikings. Awesome!!! Kids should run, in fact kids should run with their parents. Imagine the respect for the body and the clarity of mind. Running…yep it could solve a lot of the world’s problems.
Karen Swim’s last blog post..Before You Move Forward, Be Still
@Brett – We should start an online magazine. That would be good, eh? Art, social commentary, politics, and Karen could talk about running. Or you could too.
@Sandie – Yeah! Your kids open up more if they see that you make mistakes and listen to them. My kids do the same thing. Little bastards.
Ellen Wilson’s last blog post..Bodhisattva Blogger
An online magazine, with all of our diverse voices?
Oh my Gosh…the power of US.
Unstoppable.
Wendi Kelly’s last blog post..The Attitude of Staying Put
@Karen,
I agree with you totally. Tonight, as I wrote my blog post for tomorrow (mostly) today, I’ll be able to use the clarity for some serious brainstorming. I’ll have to watch out for stones, though
I’m going to ask my oldest son if he wants to do some trails with me this year. His running form is *perfect*. Well it should be, he’s only 7 at the end of this month.
@Ellen,
That’s not a bad idea, you know. I think we have enough people with similar interests, yet who are willing to have a good discussion, point-counterpoint style (you can always count on Friar to stir the pot if things need stirrin’)
Together we would save the publishing industry! LOL! Watch out world, there’s a new group of bloggers in town and we are changing the world online and off. Woot!
Karen Swim’s last blog post..Before You Move Forward, Be Still
You know, Pete and I were just talking last night about the state of kids today. I caught a few episodes of Nanny 911 and the kids I saw on there were real terrors. I’m telling you, neither me, my brother, Pete and his siblings, and just about every other individual of our generation, would NEVER have gotten away with what kids get away with today.
Time outs? No, we never had that shit when we were kids. There was the Wooden Spoon and the ever present paralyzer called “Wait until your father gets home.” Period. End of story.
If you acted up while out shopping with mom, that was a sure fire way to get yanked out of the store/restaurant/insert public place here and brought home.
Being sent to your room wasn’t fun. We had no TVs, computers or video games in there.
Being grounded meant hard labor around the house.
Am I getting old when I say today’s kids are spoiled and have no respect? Didn’t generations before us say that too?
Maybe so, but then again, down here in the states, the kids weren’t running around with semi-automatic weapons either.
Meh. I sound like a grumpy old man. I need to buy more toys.
Harrison McLeod’s last blog post..What Hasbro Can Teach You About Repeat Clients
@Harry,
That was me, too. I didn’t get timeouts. My mom had “the flyswatter” – not only did it smart a little bit, it had the added “bonus” of flyguts *yuk* – and yeah, there was always “wait till your father gets home”…
My kids also know the “pleasure” of getting pulled out of restaurants – malls – you name it.
You’re not a grumpy old man. Or, if you are, welcome to the club, my friend.
And here’s a bonus laugh – at our house, right now, it’s “wait till your *mother* gets home”.
The kids respect me, but mom rules the roost. As it should be.
Where is James? James! Get over here! They are starting an online magazine! See!!! Look!!!
@Brett, You give me good laughs. And I love to watch your title-tagline grow each day. How long do you think before you can turn this into an entire blog post:
an organic beer and coffee selling poetry writing barefoot kilt-wearing Viking Vampire…
Heheh. Thanks for the GC pic. Humma humma.
Melissa Donovan’s last blog post..Are You Cut Out for Freelance Writing?
@Melissa,
I figured it was the least I could do, after Jaden gave me a look at Scarlett Johansson’s keester in pink granny panties
http://www.screenwritingforhollywood.com/what-sells/most-famous-pg-underwear-scenes-in-cinema
(rawr)
@Harry, I feel the same way. I am appalled at what parents allow today. I am also appalled that they feed their kids out of a bag for dinner EVERY DAY, don’t know what PTA stands for and think parenting is about being friends with your kids. I still address older adults and Mr. and Mrs or Miss. I open doors and say Excuse me. I would never have cursed like a sailor in front of an adult. In my day (oh God aging before my eyes) not only could your parents discipline you but so could your teachers, your neighbors heck even the mailman. You just respected adults and if you did something wrong an adult could reprimand you. *Shuffles off for geritol, mumbling* It’s that darn MTV!
Karen Swim’s last blog post..Before You Move Forward, Be Still
@Karen: Yeah, after MTV stopped playing music videos the whole world’s gone to hell in a bobsled.
@Brett: But I don’t wanna be in the club!
Harrison McLeod’s last blog post..What Hasbro Can Teach You About Repeat Clients
@Harry,
LOL, don’t worry, we’re not in the club… I’m going to live to be at least 1000 years old, so I’m just a baby right now!
@Brett: Right…yes…we’re all living much longer and 40 is the new 30….yes…not old…not old at all…
Harrison McLeod’s last blog post..What Hasbro Can Teach You About Repeat Clients
@Harry,
Exactly, it’s just how we look at ourselves. You & I are about the same age, but we still do crazy stuff (you have Lucifer, for instance). I run with funny shoes and go down the side of a hill in a hamster ball.
And then I see the fresh grads at work, 25 and right out of school. Good little worker bees, joining all of the engineering associations *yawn*
(old, boring!)
@ Harry: I so agree with your points there. Like you I was raised the same way. My dad only ever had to hit my once on my mouth for giving him verbal shit. He blew his fuse and smacked me across the mouth.
Both of us were shocked. Him for reacting like that and me well, you can guess.
If I learned one lesson from this incident it was to respect my elders and listen to what I’m told.
While that worked well back in my teenager days, I had some rude awakenings while i was older. Being respectful is one thing, but being trampled on is something totally different.
To be honest, I’m past the age of where to have kids and while it is all fun and sometimes not for those who have them, I’m quite happy without. It’s not that I don’t like kids, but when I see the issues they face, the state of the world we are in and the general financial strain they put onto families I can honestly say that I don’t need this shit.
Plus, Australians seem to breed them in large numbers because they get a government incentive of $4,000 per child. So the youngsters get knocked up in the hopes of making some money (yes, I know this puts a whole knew spin onto making money).
I live rural and here this problem is huge, especially in the lower social economic scale. Problem is that exactly those kids will end up on the wrong side of the law because they have parents who don’t care about them and being part of a crime gang is the closest thing to belonging these guys ever feel.
Monika Mundell’s last blog post..Proposing For A Job – Freelance Writing Guide
James is lurking
Not sure how I feel about the “kids are bad” thing. My teen is better than I was at her age. She’s doing the same stuff I did. I wonder how much of it is just our perception of the generation coming, the same way that our parents thought we were holy terrors.
I also think it’s not for lack of knowing how to discipline kids properly – it’s lack of time, patience, drive, determination… I’m *tired* at the end of a day. The last thing I want to do is deal with a badly behaved toddler. It’s easier to fold and give in so that I get peace.
Back when our parents were manning the roost, the mothers didn’t go out and work. There was constant care and supervision. There was someone there, and someone who wasn’t burnt out to shit trying to keep up with a frantic pace of life and too much to do in a day.
Today’s reality? Two parents, both with jobs, no time, monumental obligations, life speeding by…
It ain’t the kids’ fault, IMO.
(Down with hitting kids. Even spanking is uncool in a major way.)
James Chartrand – Men with Pens’s last blog post..Fiction Writing: Overactive Imagination
@James,
I’d tend to agree with you, which is sort of why I wrote this the way I did. I did some stuff that I’m not proud of either, and I guess it is part of growing up.
Your main point is probably a major cause of this – we make ourselves so busy that we forget about the kids, sometimes. I know I’ve been guilty of that, and have had to realign my priorities, and adjust my schedule. I still do a lot of personal stuff, but it is later at night when I’m the only one awake, or early in the morning when it’s just me again.
I also try to save the knuckle sandwiches for special occasions…
(of course I don’t really give them knuckle sandwiches, it’s kind of a joke with my kids – I ask them if they want a knuckle sandwich when they are acting out, and they go get the mustard… it is a nice way to redirect them from whatever it was that was causing an issue…)
Like Dave Navarro’s post. Our kids turn out just like us. That says something.
Brett,
I had an aunt who said, “If you’re not careful your kids will be the ugliest mirror you ever hold up.” (Probably applies to the hooligans on your lawn.)
Of course, even if you are careful, at age three they pick the fanciest restaurant Grandma and Grandpa can find to announce the choice word you used on the phone after you thought they were asleep that one night…
Somehow they pick up on the side of you that you think you keep turned away. To me, that’s the best inspiration to make all sides of me better every day. Hoping to make even the ugliest mirror a little more presentable.
Until later,
Kelly
Kelly’s last blog post..Brand Propheteers: Part Three – Grand Concepts, Practical Advice, and the One Great WoM Story
Kelly,
Well, now that you mention it – and what your aunt said was very wise – I believe that to be the case with these kids. They *do* come from good homes, or at least, homes where they could have everything they want. Except parents at home. I heard through the grapevine who they were (small towns are good for that).
Most of them – both parents are managers where I work – sleep with their BlackBerries, and so forth.
Ugliest mirror. I like that. No matter how hard you try to hide it. You can’t, because your kids know you.
[...] last Saturday, my toes were a bit cold and it seemed to affect my running. I think one of those vampire kids shot me in the right ankle, because by Monday morning it was apparent that my right leg was stiffer [...]
[...] the night, it is a catchy little tune with just the right tempo for my running. Even though the vampires were out, I had a great [...]