the thing that should not be.
September 20, 2008
An eternity passed as the coffee pot followed a parabolic trajectory from her hand to the floor.
All eyes in the adjacent room were on the shattered carafe, or more precisely, the contents. And as the braindead owners of those eyes were busy lapping up the ichor they so craved, the two slipped silently around the corner, down the stairs and into the catacombs.
“Achtung, baby…” said the man, as he stepped into the tunnel, knees slightly flexed, Viking axe on hot standby.
Dust – an inch of dust on the floor, and no footprints.
“Perfect… that’s the good thing about the Factory, no one knows where anything is anymore… so we should be safe down here.”
Hand-in-hand, the man and his lady moved swiftly and silently towards the bunker, towards temporary salvation. As they reached what seemed to them to be the midpoint, the lady stopped and cocked her head.
“A tone – I hear a tone from outside.”
“What do you mean?”, said the man, too deaf to hear it from too many years of Viking metal shows.
“It sounds like something is being broadcast over the outdoor PA system, but it isn’t anything I’ve heard before.”
“Perhaps we will find the answer within the bunker”, said the slayer of the undead.
One final corner at the end. Skull-splitter in striking position, muscles itching to fire, the man quickly peeked around the corner, then took one step back.
“Clear!”
The two stepped up to the entrance, and the lady produced the key.
“Too bad we don’t have any more Folgers, my darling…”, said the man.
“Well, Mr. Bunyan, you’ll just have to cut down the whole zombie forest then… I hope that thing is sharp.”
“As a razor, my queen…”
Slowly… silently… she turned the key in the lock, and then opened the door.
Empty. Perfect…
Closing and locking the door behind her, she ordered her man to secure the room. He did a quick sweep of the perimeter, gleaming axe ready to split any zombie brain buckets it encountered.
Checking that the other door was locked, he said, “Only two souls in this room… let’s fire up the computers, milady.”
And she knew exactly what to do, as she’d had a tour of the bunker only a few weeks before. She quickly made her way over to the master control – a BIG RED BUTTON!
*CLICK*
A droning sound filled the room, as the computers and projectors sprang to life – and then, slowly, the pictures came into focus on the screens across the room.
The brain-eaters were all moving inwards… following a rhythmic tone, the same one the lady had heard… towards a building known as “The Cell”.
The man’s jaw dropped open… he *knew* at that moment who was behind it all… though he hoped he was terribly mistaken… and his fingers quickly worked the controls, to bring one particular camera feed from the periphery to the main screen.
And there she was. The Demon Queen. And yet, something was different… the “management training” was complete…
The thing that should not be. A horrific vision of a zombified cybernetic organism sat on a throne in the heart of The Cell.
“Frak me gently with a chainsaw“, said the Viking warrior.
“It all makes sense now… the infiltration was slow and calculated. First, computers and cell phones, then CrackBerries and bluetooth headsets…”
Around the dark queen stood her minions – middle-management cyberzombies, bending to her every wish, linked to the hivemind through the marvels of modern digital communication.
The mind-altering coffee was needed to control the minions, the legion of workers who were not “privileged enough” to have a digital ball and chain.
“What are we going to do now?”, asked the brave lass.
Reaching for the radio transmitter, the man said:
“Nuke the entire site from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.”
–
Tune in next week for the exciting conclusion to the cyberzombie mayhem… same Bat-time, same Bat-channel. And don’t forget to press the BIG RED BUTTON!
PS – this episode was late due to an unscheduled interruption from some of my favourite Viklings… “Daddy, can we go for a bike ride?”
EXCELLENT…!!!
By the way, was there cream for the coffee…?
Friar’s last blog post..Watercolors: From Sea to Shining Sea.
Heh heh, Friar, I should post a link to that .ppt you made up for me last week… and thanks – I think you know who the Demon Queen is…
Heh, _Achtung_
I enjoy your zombie stories
Oh. My. God. You’re evil. I did the red button thing…all the way to the end. I couldn’t help it!!!
This story is awesome!! I can’t wait for more. It’s so much fun to read them. What does your wife think?
You make an excellent zombie-slaying pair.
steph’s last blog post..Friday Focus
@RL,
Thank you! It’s been fun writing them… once they’re finished up, I have something else in store that ties in with this site
@steph,
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA… I couldn’t resist that one! Google is so cool, I hadn’t seen that before I wrote BIG RED BUTTON, and as soon as I googled it, that was the first hit. I figure maybe one or two more episodes, and then that other project I mentioned to you by email.
I’m not sure what she thinks – I know she reads my blog, but she’s been “mum” about this series (she probably thinks I’m a dork!)
Nothing wrong with dorks, or geeks or nerds! They’re always the ones who make it big, anyway.
steph’s last blog post..Friday Focus
That is so true, isn’t it
then call me a geek! For you, and I, and all here will make it big.
Is that Big Red Button the same kind that Staples has?
Friar’s last blog post..Watercolors: From Sea to Shining Sea.
Friar – keep pressing it and see if it says “that was easy”…
@Brett
…I keep pressing it…I’m still waiting for the banana pellet to come out of the chute!
AEECK!
(Flinging things, now.)
Friar’s last blog post..Watercolors: From Sea to Shining Sea.
Very good story – I enjoyed reading it very much!
Ulla Hennig’s last blog post..Friendly Waters
@Friar,
That’s the trick… they keep telling you to press the button, because the banana pellet is coming… but it never comes, of course… welcome to the Factory
@Ulla,
Thank you very much – I really like writing this kind of thing. My creative outlet!
Brett, I just spent the last 10 minutes clicking red buttons, geez does that mean i’m a zombie too? LOL! Yep, all the way to poof it’s gone – well I had to see how it ended! I am so glad that you and opps I mean our Viking and his lady made it to safety – yay! Was the last line courtesy of Friar?
Karen,
You’ve just passed the interview to work at the Factory!
Yes, Friar’s love for that movie inspired me to put that line in there…
@Steph – I cannot believe you pressed the Big Red Button! I am proud to say that I did not. …….because I was afraid it would be something that alerts Security here at the Tax Factory, and you definitely don’t want to do that. They might have to leave their Folgers and that just makes them cranky. Noooo….I left the Big Red Button alone!
Urban Panther’s last blog post..Hey! Pay attention!
@ Panther: I KNOW! But I’m like a kid. If you say I shouldn’t touch it…
Luckily (or unluckily?), I have no such constraints as far as factories restricting what I can and can’t access.
Folgers. My hubby says you’re lucky. They get Mother Parker’s. He takes his own into work!
steph’s last blog post..Magic in the Air
@Panther,
If you’d pushed that Big Red Button, they’d have sent you to work at *my* Factory!
@steph,
Yes, you are lucky that way. Then again, I just do it anyway (bad, I know). Ah yes, good old Mother Fracker’s – that would be a step down from Folgers…
can the slayer of the undead come to my house on Friday for some tea and cookies?
I am feeling slightly a jar.
Bent and twisted …
(I can only attribute it to your prose…)
Harmony’s last blog post..The Art Of BEING in My Own Business – Part 1
@Harmony,
That would be wonderful
I could use a “high tea” now and again…
@Harmony – I like tea and cookies! Can I come?
@Brett @Steph – actually it’s Tim Horton’s coffee grind which I don’t like at all, but it costs me $8/month to be part of the coffee club instead of $8/week at the tuck shop downstairs. The issue I have is when someone insists on making coffee the consistency of tea. You should not be able to see right through coffee
@Brett – going from my factory to your factory would be like going from the fat to the fire.
Urban Panther’s last blog post..Go ahead, mock me!
URBAN P- Now don’t go and ruin my great cup of strong dark roast java with a mention of the TH. You only go to TH when you are in the car and want a quick coffee for the road, OR, the last place you want to spend your last $5 is Starbucks.
Harmony’s last blog post..The Art Of BEING in My Own Business – Part 1
PS URBAN PANTHER…hey you are more than welcome to joint the slayer of the undead and myself for tea on Friday. You might want to wear a llittle extra protective gear!
Harmony’s last blog post..The Art Of BEING in My Own Business – Part 1
Brett,
NONONO, Not the BIG RED BUTTON! Wait a second – the big red button SOLVES all of you “office needs” from the Staple’s Super Store. Do you NOT have Staples in Canada? They even sell Folger’s there as an “office supply.” I kid you not. Now THAT’S damn scary!
Rita
Rita’s last blog post..I Was A Mail–Order Bride: Part One – I Have RSD
@Panther,
At least you have TH
but you’re right, stay at your Factory… the coffee is even worse here!
@Rita,
“That was easy” yeah, we do have them here – and I’ve seen the Folgers there, right beside the Clodhoppers…
LOL- LOVE THE BUTTON…….and the story, very cool..
Janice Cartier’s last blog post..What Type Are You?
@Janice,
Thank you! (for the button and the story…)
This is perfectly awesome! I’ve seen this movie before. I played a role in this movie before. Now, I’m content to be a member of the audience! Can’t wait until the next installment
Melissa Donovan’s last blog post..Writing for Change
Melissa,
Thank you! Perhaps someone who is a lot like you will be a ‘call in’ on one of the next episodes
sort of a voice of experience!
very intriguing writing. you are a great story teller.
you take me into another world.
Sean
sean’s last blog post..Fringe – It sucks.
@sean,
Thank you very much. I’ve been having a great time with it, and I’ve got another storyline in the works which I will unveil once this tale has run the course.
[...] – this is the Factory calling, we’ve been taken over by a hostile cybernetic organism and we need [...]
Oh I can’t wait! I’m so far behind though the next installment is probably waiting!
@Jenny,
Oh yes, it is up there right now! Don’t worry, you’ve got until Saturday to read that one before the next next one is up
(don’t rush though on account of me – no one is ever late to this party, the door never closes)