bubblegum.
October 4, 2008
(Apologies for the delayed episode today – interference from the enemy radio signals prevented me from uploading this sooner.*)
The trio had skirted up around the back of the two buildings across from the SUMAC facility, so that they would stay out of sight of the cyberzombie guards. Though it was several hundred metres, they had scarcely taken a breath, in spite of running flat out the entire way.
Steeling their nerves, they walked *slowly* across the roadway towards the SUMAC building.
Slowly. Very slowly, with their arms outstretched in front of them, muttering “brains… brains… brains…”
For you see, a zombie’s sense of smell has a limited range. Three hundred metres away, the fearless trio looked just like another bunch of brain-sucking maggot factories. The machineguns remained silent.
Once behind cover of the retaining wall, all three exhaled simultaneously…
“Now what?”, asked the lovely lass.
“Through the front door, my darling – no one would expect that around here, at least, not without a meeting request…”, replied the axe-wielding berserker.
“Schmiar, you take the left, I’ll take the right, and the Missus can cover our asses.”
(“As usual…”, she muttered under her breath.)
“THREE!”, said Schmiar.
The door was no match for Schmiar’s mighty boot, and it splintered into a million little pieces.
Seven minions of the Demon Queen looked up from the control panels in shock.
Said the man, “I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass… and I’m all out of bubblegum.”
A symphony of sickness broke the awkward silence, a power trio made up of a Viking axe, a turbocharged chainsaw, and a 12-gauge shotgun to lay down a drum track from hell.
Nine minutes and thirty-seven seconds later, the walls, ceiling, and floor were painted a dark crimson, and the smell of gunpowder and chainsaw exhaust filled the air.
“Whoa”, said Schmiar, “not even Winston Wolfe could clean up this mess…”
“To the roof – follow me!”, shouted the man.
The lady surveyed the room one more time, and put three rounds from her scattergun into the control panels, just to be sure.
Twelve flights of stairs. Twelve fracking flights of stairs…
“What kind of moron designs a building this tall without an elevator?” asked the man as he caught his breath.
Schmiar replied, “Umm… huh-huh… never mind…”
Before them stood a ladder to the roof, and beside it on the wall was a small sign that read, “Work Permit required prior to accessing Roof”.
The man chuckled, and started up the ladder. Bursting forth onto the flat graveled surface, he surveyed the entire site.
“Holy frak”, said the lass with the long golden hair. “Look at all the mindless minions milling about…”
“Looks just like any other day of the week!”, laughed Schmiar, and he grasped the starter on his chainsaw with iron fingers.
An insane snarling sound filled the air, and the sawteeth made short work of the antenna array.
“Alright my friends – to the Batpoles! We’ve got to get to the Cell, and take out the Demon Queen…”, said the axeman.
“I’ve got first dibs on that wench”, snarled Schmiar.
“Not if I get to her first…”, quipped the lady.
–
(*Actually, my triplets had to go to gymnastics, and then we went to look at a puppy…)
Tune in next week, for another horrific zombie tale… assuming your intrepid writer doesn’t drink the Folgers…
PS – the *great* artwork today was brought to you by Schmiar Friar 
Brett,
Firsties? Me?
Triplets at gymnastics. I’m exhausted just thinking about it. *phew*
“What kind of moron designs a building this tall without an elevator?” LOL! Oh, dare I ask… I hope that’s not taken from real life?
Looks like our daring heroes may be close to free… looking forward to another installment. Keep up the (bloody) work, and don’t let ‘em suck your brains out.
Regards,
Kelly
Kelly’s last blog post..Tip of the Week: Send No Money Now
Kelly,
Yeah! (That’ll teach me to post so late in the day, everyone’s gone out drinking or something…)
Oh, of course not
that was definitely not taken from real life.
^ ^
. .
^
o
-Brett
It’s gotta be diffcult to fight zombies, with that moron building design…heh heh heh.
Friar’s last blog post..Vikings Invade the Playground
Friar,
Just tell Schmiar to push ‘em down the stairs, or send them to “slip and fall” training
Another fantastic episode! I can’t believe I’m reading it at 5:30 pm. Sorry about that. I’m really loving the way you word things in these stories, Brett! And again, Schmiar made me laugh aloud.
Love the cartoon, Sch-Friar! The lovely lass looks kick-ass!:)
Brett, when this is all finished, you have to compile it into one story. People will love it!
PS. REALLY?! A puppy?! Hooray!!
steph’s last blog post..Push Forward or Move Ahead?
@steph,
Thank you my friend! Hey, no worries – it’s one of those weekends where we all need to “make hay” – get some things put away for the fall and so forth.
I think I’ll have to keep this one going until Halloween / Samhain at least – but maybe you’re right, I could put these all together. And then, my other idea is taking form now (I’ve got a skeleton plot for it).
Yes, a puppy! We looked at a chocolate lab yesterday – very cute indeed.
Hmmm, like a real *skeleton* plot?
Skeletons and zombies and Vikings, oh my!
steph’s last blog post..Push Forward or Move Ahead?
@steph,
You’re right on both accounts – I have the skeleton for the story, and there’ll be some skeletons in the story
[...] was trying desperately to escape. The large workers didn’t notice me. They trudged like zombies, trudging through the factory, shackled by chains, but not really doing anything. Still, there were [...]
[...] no tales of cyberzombie horror this week, but there will be a triumphant return from our heroes next weekend. We are going to [...]
“Slip and Fall Training!” HA!! We just did that here! Of course if it helps just one person… Whatever!
this just keeps getting better! It’s like Charlie’s Angels with men as the angels too!!
Jenny’s last blog post..Moments
@Jenny,
Glad you sympathize! We’re due for another installment of the training as winter approaches…
[...] the Demon Queen knew that the antenna array had been disabled, and she would be vectoring in the cyberzombie guards to figure out what was going [...]
Such a usefule blog?wow !!!!