i am what i am, i am who i am. a guest post by eyeteaguy.
March 18, 2009
Eyeteaguy and I have known each other for a pretty long time (back to 1992, in fact). He was moving into the house where I was living in my last year of university.
I remember it well. I was out on the front porch, drinking beer with a couple of other friends, and here comes this old Subaru wagon. It backs into the driveway, and out steps Eyeteaguy (though at the time, he was Polisciguy).
I asked him if he needed a hand moving his stuff in, and he said no, so we didn’t help him! What a bunch of assholes we were…
I think we eventually did give him a hand, because it was a pretty hot day, but he might tell you otherwise…
Yep, he’s a pretty cool guy. He didn’t care for my music at first, but one day I caught him tapping his foot to a Napalm Death song, and a few years later we went to see a Kyuss concert together.
Best. Show. Evar.
(Stoner rock FTW!)
As I said, it was my last year of university. After my last exam, I bought a case of beer. Eyeteaguy and I sat in the basement that night and drank 24 pints of beer.
He met his wife to be at my wedding in 1998. That’s a pretty cool thing, because she is pretty cool and I was happy about that.
I lived beside him for about a year, five years after that, until the job I was in at the time went south in a bad way, and I moved back up to Splat Creek.
I really miss living in the same city as Eyeteaguy.
He’s the reason I started writing my blog, actually. He said he’d kick my ass if I didn’t start writing… he has really big boots.
And he looks nothing like Popeye.
He gives me shit when I need it, always makes me smile because for some reason he understands what the hell I’m talking about, and I owe him a visit (I’m coming down soon, the GTI needs to stretch its legs a bit).
Some of you may already know him from his blog, or Friar’s blog, or even Kelly’s blog, but for those of you who have not met him, may I present -
Eyeteaguy.
–
I apologize… for nothing. I’m sorry if the way that I am….. bugs you.
And that is the truth. After reading this you should take away two messages.
1. Self help people can’t help you.
2. Accept who you are and stop try to change yourself, because you can’t.
All these self help people are as screwed up as you and me. They are writing to justify themselves, their actions and sometime to line their pockets. Take note, there is nothing wrong with you. Say it with me. “There is nothing wrong with me” Feel better? I do. You know why? Its because you can stop trying to “fix” yourself, “improve” yourself, “fulfill your potential” now. You are who you are, accept it, because you can’t change it. Think you can? Well you can’t, you are like a rubber band. You can stretch for a while, change shape but when you get tired, and you will, you will go back to your original shape. So enjoy your shape. Take what you are and move on. Live life as you are, not as you want to be. You will get further.
I have spent so much energy “growing” myself, “molding” myself. And I am the same. The only difference is that I was miserable because I couldn’t change and felt that I should. Well I can’t and now I don’t want to. So I won’t.
Guess what? I feel better now than after every single self help course I have ever taken or read. You want to know why? Because there is peace in acceptance. This all sounds like self help mumbo jumbo right? Maybe it is but it is also the truth. Accept yourself for who you are because if you don’t NO ONE ELSE WILL!
It is so hard being someone else. And when you stop, or change or quit all those people you deceived will not like you anymore because you caused them a great inconvenience because you made them change their mind about you.
I have friends, good friends. They are good friends because I accept them for who their are. Even their faults…. especially their faults. I do not judge them, I accept them and live my life with them. I do not try to change them because that is harder than changing yourself.
Its like playing poker. You get all the cards you want except one. So use your “power of positive thinking” to “realize the card it wants to be”. Does the card change? Nope. Play it, trade it. Win or lose with it. Its a fun game and if you are not having fun stop playing.
So just accept who you are, accept the others around you, stop trying to change yourself and everything around you and just live. Peace will descend upon you as long as you stop judging yourself.
Now piss off and go do something you enjoy. I won’t judge you for it.
–
Eyeteaguy,
You rock.
Agreed, agreed, and agreed.
Relaxing about myself… well I was always pretty relaxed, and rather fond of me too
, but getting older and crankier has been a big help. Don’t know, but maybe self-acceptance is harder for young’uns for some evolutionary reason.
Long life has taught me that everything you just said so well is utterly true—
—and short knowing you has taught me not to argue anyway.
Thanks. Brett, this was a great guest post.
Regards,
Kelly
Kelly’s last blog post..Inspiration Points: A Fool and Some Birthday Gifts Will Very Soon Be Parted
Great article, thanks
Cruttera’s last blog post..Daily Attitude
@Kelly,
Glad that you got to read a bit more about Eyeteaguy. He’s a hell of a friend.
@Cruttera,
Welcome! Thank you for stopping in today – and I have to say, I really like your site too – very nice. I will be back to visit you.
Oh, I believe it. A loyal ol’ dog, I can tell.
& P.S. I hear you give out spouses at Legree nuptials. That’s a heckufa party favor!
I’m comin’ to yer next weddin’, so I can get me a husband.
Kelly’s last blog post..WIN a Prize & Wish MCE a Happy 300th
You’re welcome to come to my next wedding any time.
So either it will be renewing the one I have, or I’ll have to move to Utah… not sure that would go over well with Missus #1 though…
LOL, LOL…
Kelly’s last blog post..WIN a Prize & Wish MCE a Happy 300th
Okay eyeteaguy, you have unleashed my fury. LOL
But, maybe when I’m done my rant we will find that we are on the same page. Perhaps.
I am on the same page with you about self-help gurus and books. The ONLY person who can improve yourself is yourself. HOWEVER, I do believe we can change, and shouldn’t necessarily accept our behaviours. Using me as an example:
1. I used to be a liar. Yep, I lied to avoid conflict. I make it a policy to no longer lie, but face the truth head on.
2. I used to be a gossip. Yep. I gossiped to get everyone to like me. I amke it a policy now to not gossip.
3. I used to put my fears ahead of the welfare of my children. OOOOOO BIG ONE! And one I have addressed with all three of them. Now, my fears take a back seat to just about everything in my life.
I did not like my behaviours. I refused to accept my behaviours. I CHANGED my behaviours.
Granted, I did this on my own by digging deep and being brutally honest with myself. No self-help gurus involved. But I did not accept a substandard me. And I am sure as hell glad I didn’t. Because I LOVE me now.
Urban Panther’s last blog post..How watching movies will help me win!
Brett = match maker. Now that’s funny.
Kelly, you crack me up. I’d love to meet you in person…. though my wife would get jealous. She shouldn’t though. I can’t manage the three girls I have now. (wife, 2 daughters)
Urban Panther. I hate to tell you this but you are still a liar, you just tell the truth now. And you still gossip, just inside your head. And you are repressing your fears.
But I am glad you love yourself.
I’m going to dive into my foxhole now. INCOMING!!!!
Eyeteaguy
Eyeteaguy’s last blog post..Random Thoughts
@Panther,
Very good distinction – and true. Behaviours and habits we can change. Oh, and our attitudes too.
@Eyeteaguy,
I wonder if match maker is the best way to describe it – a match maker is sort of like a chemist. Tries to mix things together in just the right amounts to get a clean and predictable reaction.
A chemical engineer, on the other hand – that’s me – mixes millions of gallons of stuff together, crosses his fingers and hopes that something good comes out of it, without an Earth-shattering kaboom!
So think of the “stuff” mixed together as all of our wedding guests, the good that came out of it (other than me getting married, of course) was that you guys met.
The kaboom? Well, that has to be the 6 kids we’ve added to the planet!!!
LOL
Okay, um, nope can’t say I lie. I may keep quiet so as not to hurt someone, so if that’ s lying so be it. Gossip in my head .. yes, but is that gossip? Or do the words need to spread in order to be considered gossip. Repressing my fears. Nope. Acknowledge my fears and chose not to face some of them? Yep. I WILL NOT parachute out of an airplane. Fear of crashing to the ground is overwhelming. BUT I did not say I don’t have fears; I said my fears take a back seat now. So, if it meant in order to protect a loved one, you betcha I’d jump.
Urban Panther’s last blog post..How watching movies will help me win!
Eyeteaguy,
I just want a party favor. What’s wrong with that? You got one!
Back to acceptance… has Panther really changed into a non-liar, or was she always a non-liar, but at one time bent completely out of shape by her desire to fit in with others?
Now, accepting that others will just have to like her as-is, the need to ignore her true, truthful self is gone…
Which brings me back to wondering whether it’s age. Are we somehow doomed to be moral and emotional contortionists when we’re younger, trying against trying to “change” ourselves, unable to accept ourselves fully and say damn others if they don’t like me, until we’ve got some number of years or amount of wisdom under our belt?
Now I probably ought to duck and cover…
Later,
Kelly
Kelly’s last blog post..WIN a Prize & Wish MCE a Happy 300th
Kelly – you are totally onto something here. Let’s take lying. I was always totally uncomfortable, miserable actually, lying, but my fear of conflict was greater than the misery. So, that means being a liar was not really who I was. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have felt uncomfortable.
And you are correct. Once I decided, screw this, I am who I am, and I am not going to take on anyone’s conflict then the need to lie ceased.
And yep, age definitely has something to do with it. I just have the time or patience to waste on any of this crap. This is me, take me or leave me.
Urban Panther’s last blog post..How watching movies will help me win!
Great exchange guys! I think I would have to agree. Age makes a difference for sure, maybe is perspective, experience, whatever.
And my post uses an MO I use quite a lot. If people are at “A” I try to move them to “Z” and more often than not we all end up at “M” or “N”, which is where I wanted to be in the first place. If I were to shoot for “M” we would only get to “G” and that is no good.
In reality what I am saying is, stop beating yourself up. There are lots of people that are willing to do that so why join them. If you acknowledge yourself for what you are then you can move on instead of staying where you are to fix yourself.
A good anology is in racing. A car has a problem, it pits, goes a lap down. Race over right? No, fix it, get out there! Move, try, don’t give up. You never know what is going to happen. This is exaclty how Jaques Villeneuve won the Indy 500. He was 2 laps down.
So be who you are, there is nothing wrong with who you are. If you have some behaviors that you don’t like, go ahead and modify them if you can. If you can’t…oh well.
And carry that over to others as well. Accept them, foibles and all and love them for who they are. Like Brett, he’s an arrogant self serving son-of-a-bitch, but I like him that way.
Eyeteaguy
Eyeteaguy’s last blog post..Random Thoughts
A good anology is in racing. A car has a problem, it pits, goes a lap down. Race over right? No, fix it, get out there! Move, try, don’t give up. You never know what is going to happen. This is exaclty how Jaques Villeneuve won the Indy 500. He was 2 laps down.
A great analogy if you are a guy! (Oops, stereotyping going on there!)
Ya, see, I knew we were actually on the same page.
As for Brett. Well, I wouldn’t know what he’s really like, because I haven’t met him yet, because he has stood me up TWICE now!
Now, that Friar. He’s a good guy.
Urban Panther’s last blog post..How watching movies will help me win!
What other anology was I going to use? Needlepoint? I’m a guy, that’s my viewpoint. Besides I used to race so it is close to my heart.
And as for Friar, we are speaking of the same Friar right? Good guy? He didn’t pick me for his contest. I’m going to burn down his house next time I’m in Splat Creek.
Eyeteaguy
Eyeteaguy’s last blog post..Random Thoughts
LOL, thank goodness the creek I’m splat-in is too far from CAN to be burnt down by vengeful Eyeteaguys…
… and I’m glad we’re in agreement that all you need is to get old, forgetful, and cantankerous, and your regrets go right down to zero.
Brett,
I know you’re married and she’s practically. But how could you stand the Panther up? She’s hot.
Twice?
You know he’s out drinking now so he can’t hear me.
*giggles*
Kelly’s last blog post..WIN a Prize & Wish MCE a Happy 300th
@Eyeteaguy,
Who you callin’ arrogant?
(Self-serving? Check. Son-of-a-bitch? Check.)
If you’re gonna burn down Friar’s house, you’ll have to take a number, what with all the pitchfork bearing old fogies in town wanting Friar’s ass after his letters to the Splat Creek Rag…
@Kelly,
Eyeteaguys are “networked” (sorry, couldn’t help the geek joke) so you’d better watch out…
@Panther,
You’ve got me there. But – I will start with the Lion on the 31st, so I’ll be sort of half-way there.
Now – for a full meet – are you having another party in the not too distant future? Of course it is probably my turn anyway (I’m thinking Beltane, a little fire festival in the back yard, no orange paint required) – hmm. I wonder if I can whip up something really cool?
Late for the party..oh well.
Man…I’m following this conversation about being true to yourself, accepting who you are, blah blah blah. etc..
Argh. My brain hurts. I can’t really follow any of this now. It’s just too DEEP for me at the moment.
(Probably because it’s midnight and I’ve had several beer).
You know what we all need to do? Read one of those hundreds of blogs out there. You know…the ones that provide lists of ways we can improve our lives…read the list…and then everything will be ALLLLLLLLL better.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going back to check out on my own list that I just posted…
Friar’s last blog post..How to be Anti-Green: 26 Tips on how to be Screw the Planet
Geez Friar, can’t you be serious for one minute. Why do you always have to make fun of everything. People have feelings y’know.
Eyeteaguy
Eyeteaguy’s last blog post..Random Thoughts
@Eyeteaguy
I’m sorry. I should be more sensitive.
To make up for it, I’ll go to one of those web-sites, and click on the icon, which will allow little Bhupinder to eat a bowl of rice for one more day.
Friar’s last blog post..Being Anti-Green: 26 Tips on how to Screw the Planet
Smart-ass.
So when China takes over the world and steals all our food and oil, will Wing Wang click on the icon, which will allow Wee Friar to have a beer for one more day?
Eyeteaguy
Eyeteaguy’s last blog post..Random Thoughts
@Eyeteaguy
I hope Wang clicks SEVERAL times on the beer Icon.
Friar’s last blog post..Being Anti-Green: 26 Tips on how to Screw the Planet
@Eyeteaguy
I’m just amazed…at how doing something that has no apparent intrinsic value (taking my index finger, and clicking a plastic wheel-box) will end up putting food into someone’s belly half a planet away. Especially if no credit cards are involved.
Would be nice if it did…but call me skeptical…somehow, I doubt it’s that easy.
Friar’s last blog post..Being Anti-Green: 26 Tips on how to Screw the Planet
I was just on your site and wanted to say I like what you are doing. Keep up the effort and keep the posts coming.
Brett,
I wanted to share this with you. This quote if from the Viking Warrior himself, Kenneth Jay as I thought you’d appreciate it.
“There are no failures… There are only results. In everything you do there is a result. It might not be the result you were looking for but that is OK because now you can change something and get a different result”
Sandy Sommer, RKC’s last blog post..The Start of The Viking Warrior Program
@Hellen,
Thank you very much – lots has been going on in the background, but more to follow soon.
@Sandy,
Thanks for sharing that quote – I really like that a lot, and it fits in here perfectly.
I also appreciate you sharing your workout routines as they’ve been making a big difference in my exercise, and I’m following your Viking Warrior progress closely.
(I think I’ll have to order that book myself, it looks really great!)
Just came to check out your site and this is interesting to check out Eyeteaguy too
Thanks
Patricia’s last blog post..A Prayer in Spring
Patricia,
Once again, thank you for stopping in to say hi – and I am glad that you enjoyed the Eyeteaguy’s piece. He’s a great friend.