christmas promise.
April 5, 2009
We had moved to Brantford in July of 2003 to start anew, to get away from the strangeness of the small town.
I had successfully secured a new job with an engineering firm in Hamilton, and I was traveling for business to the USA almost weekly. I had a new car, a silver VW Jetta, and we had been seeing a fertility specialist in London.
We always knew we would have at least one more child after Cameron, and the previous pregnancy had been too difficult to arrange remotely. We would not take the chance again of complications, of loss, and so in the backs of our minds that was always the primary reason for moving.
Cathryn had become pregnant again in October of 2003, and we were ecstatic. We could not believe that we were once again blessed with triplets. There was some apprehension though, having lost Cameron’s siblings in 2001, but we had faith that our close proximity to the neonatal unit in Hamilton would carry us through.
The blessing of children was not the only thing that October brought us, however. My new job, which at first had seemed the opportunity of a lifetime, soon brought terrible uncertainty into our household.
The first blip had actually come in September, with a delayed car allowance payment. At the time, it did not seem a big deal because we were extremely busy – a good sign – and they corrected the error the following week.
But by mid-October, we began to realize that something was not right with the company. One missed paycheque turned into two, and we were informed that we would have to carry balances on our credit cards until “a few deals came through”.
When I had joined the company in July, my supervisor and one of the other vice-presidents assured me that although it seemed unusual for us to use our personal credit for business purposes, the company had always made good on their word. Current and future predictions of business seemed to back this up, so I felt confident in doing it.
Besides, the first three months had given me all the confidence I needed since everything was paid on time and there was no cause for alarm. We were a small company, with great promise.
Even when one of our largest clients filed for Chapter 11 protection, the president assured us that things would be fine, but that was when the paycheques stopped.
We did have some savings, but having moved our entire household only four months earlier, the levels were not where we would have liked them to be.
October slipped into November and then December, and still no money was forthcoming. Almost every day I spoke with my supervisor, and with the VP of Finance, but the story was always the same – “the money will start flowing again as soon as we close a few deals”.
Cathryn and I shopped for Cameron’s Christmas gift in mid-December while his grandparents watched him one afternoon. We had stopped in for a visit, and we left him at their house in Oakville and went to IKEA.
As he did not have a toy train, we decided to buy one of the wooden train sets. I loved it then and I still do, even though there are only a couple of pieces of it left intact today.
We had decided that we would have a lovely Christmas that year, in spite of the financial stress.
My friend Francis stopped over on Christmas Eve to say hello, but I missed his greeting that night. Cathryn and I had been talking about how we were going to get ourselves out of the dire financial straits we were in, and talk had turned to frustration and then argument.
By that point, the company owed us over seven thousand dollars. We have still not seen a single penny to this day.
In any case, I decided to go out and get some fresh air, and I told Cathryn I was going to the variety store down the street.
In actual fact, I got in my car and drove 35 minutes to a park in Hamilton, on the Niagara Escarpment, and walked to a spot we know very well. There is a tree, in Sam Lawrence Park, on a short bluff near the eastern edge of the park. In front of the bluff is a very beautiful rock garden.
We had our engagement pictures taken in that rock garden, under the shade of the tree, in 1998.
We also buried the ashes of our daughter Hailey, Cameron’s sister, under that tree in 2001. One of our engagement pictures clearly shows the spot where she is resting, and I look at it often.
I held on to that tree, in the cold December rain, in the dark, and I spoke to my daughter.
As the rain washed away the tears, I promised her that I would make everything better, no matter what I had to do.
–
I wrote this last night, actually, and what you have here is unedited, except for removing the real name of Splat Creek (to protect the “innocent”). The photograph is a part of Sam Lawrence Park near the tree, but not of the actual tree I describe above. I could not find one online, and I need a new scanner.
Hi Brett. Wow, this was an intensely touching story. I think we all have a “sacred” place that we go to when we need to connect or build trust to get us through troubled times. How did you feel after that visit? I’m assuming that you and your family made it through that difficult time, cause here you are over 5 years later. Did that company go under? What happened?
Davina’s last blog post..Good Advice in Tough Times
Hi Davina,
Thank you for your comment – well, visiting that spot really helped me at that time. We have since returned with our entire family (because the triplets all arrived safe and sound!) and it is a special place for us. Cameron knows about his sister – he asked us about it on his own, a couple of years ago. He sensed it, I suspect.
As far as employment, I ended up returning to my old job, to the exact same position (the job itself wasn’t bad, we just needed a change). Never burn bridges, they say.
The other company – I’m not sure of all the details. They were sued in 2006 by a company in West Virginia for breach of contract…
I think on the whole things turned out pretty well – but I am still working to make things “just a little bit better” – to give our kids a better life.
Wow. Nice storey.
I remember that night very well. I actually came by to pick up the present for my wife that I was hiding in your basement. Its strange to look back on it now. Even though we lived next door to each other we didn’t see much of each other. We both seem to withdraw in times of stress. My job was also going south and my wife was pregnant with our first child.
Cathy said you had “gone to the store for some chips”. My first reaction was uh-oh. That is when Cathy I think realized that we really were good frieds. Instead of asking what he went to get I asked what was wrong and how could I help.
I’ve taken a few trips to the variety store myself. One time I never came back.
I never did or do ask where you go one your trips but now I know. That’s a good place to go.
We all need to go to a place to touch base with ourselves and recommit to ourselves too. Its amazing how it gathers our strength, focuses the mind.
Eyeteaguy
Chips anyone?
Eyeteaguy’s last blog post..Shall we dance?
Hey, thanks – these are the sorts of things that are in my book. I write them when they come to mind, I have an overall skeleton (which is chronological) and I’ve been filling in the pieces.
I thought a bit more about this after I had posted it, and I was thinking, “I seem to remember there was a present in the basement” – was that the water cooler?
True, we do tend to withdraw in times of stress, but we seem to know when the other needs a hand.
You’re right about needing a place to touch base. Perhaps we might even have several, or maybe it isn’t a place sometimes but a thing to do – like going for a ride on your bike. They are kind of like places or activities that focus our energy, the non-corporeal parts of us.
I think people who like to hike in the mountains are doing that.
I do that with the car too, I drive until I end up somewhere and usually when I get there, it turns out I knew I was going there without thinking about it.
That’s how I ended up under that tree that night. I drove until I got where I knew I was going, without really knowing.
I’ll have some chips.
Oh, and I know what I’m going to write about next, I think – it will be a little about you and your family, because your family’s life is intertwined with mine – it’s all part of a larger story.
Hey, you weren’t supposed to tell people what the present was! Now they will think I’m some really romantic guy. Well, she loved the water cooler and she still does. It also has a little fridge under it…… oddly enough its the right size for a 6-packs. Coincidence? I think not.
I myself am feeling much better today. I got the bike out and started it up. 25 years old and still leaps to life every spring.
Odd how a guy from Splat Creek and a guy who lived everywhere and no where keep meeting up. My wife’s dad ended up buying a house on the same street as his best man 30 years later at the same time without knowing. Life is funny that way.
I look forward to further chapters. I have been writing a book for 20 years! The Motorcycles Stories. I’ve never posted any of the stories and I never will. I will also never finish it.
You can read it when I die, but it won’t make any sense to you. I wonder how many other people do that, some call them journals, some call them diaries and some have become best sellers once the owner dies (i.e. Anne Frank)
Eyeteaguy
Eyeteaguy’s last blog post..Shall we dance?
That’s okay, we can be romantics and still tough guys. I always wonder if the ladies at the flower shop know that the guy who just walked out with the roses for his wife has a Behemoth CD in his car… that cooler does rock too.
I had a feeling you’d be with the bike today – it is that kind of day. I did a little planning for a hike today, actually, to an old abandoned ski hill. I think I’ll write a little story about that, or maybe two – before and after I go. Friar went there last year, and showed me some pictures.
Well I was talking with my dad today about it, and it turns out that his family – my family – used to own it. It seems that someone in the family still owns the property, but they let the business go and it has been years since it was running.
Interesting… just like how you and I keep crossing paths.
I suspect we’ll live in the same town yet again.
Even if you never post The Motorcycles Stories, that’s okay – knowing now that it exists, and knowing you, my imagination can bring me along with you. It’s the feelings that matter in the stories, not the details of the roads.
Like life perhaps – the feelings from the experiences, not all of the shit that streams by us as we go.
@Brett
I haven’t lost a child. I’m sorry you and Cathy had to go through that.
But I can relate to having a special spot.
Mine is on a ski hill in BC. After my Dad died, his ski instructor friends put a small plaque on a tree on the side of a trail to commerate him. It overlooks the Monashee moutains, which Dad loved.
It’s a small modest plaque, hardly noticeable, out of the way. But I know it’s there and I always stop by and say hi to Dad when I’m out there on my ski vacation.
Friar’s last blog post..Perfessor Friar’s Random Bits of Science Trivia
Friar,
Loss is never easy, I know. I remember you talking about that special spot and that plaque. I think that is really awesome, and when I wrote “I think people who like to hike in the mountains are doing that” above, I was thinking of you.
Whatever else I do or do not believe, I know that we leave behind some sort of ripples or something wherever we go. That can be felt by other people, and especially by those who were close to us.
Wow, Brett. Even in this short bit from your book, I can see what I’m in for with the rest. You’re very good at creating setting and mood! I think this will be a story that will really touch all who read it.
@steph,
Thank you – I hope that all will enjoy it.
(You’ll get first crack at it too…)
Hey Brett,
I think we all have some place where we “go to ground” when the storm draws near. Be it a special place or activity, it allows us to reconnect with ourselves and renew our strength so that we may re-emerge again with strength and vigour to tackle life’s obstacles.
Thanks so much for writing that piece, Brett. Truly inspirational and it made my day. I admit I have been lurking here for a little while, and felt compelled to write you because of what you wrote here.
I have a quotation in mind, that I have incidentally posted at my desk at work as a constant reminder, of the triumph of the human spirit over any adversity:
“No person can be confronted with a difficulty which he has not the strength to meet and subdue… Every difficulty can be overcome if rightly dealt with; anxiety is, therefore, unnecessary. The problem which cannot be overcome ceases to be a difficulty and becomes an impossiblity… and there is only one way of dealing with an impossiblity – namely to submit to it.” – Byways of Blessedness.
Cheers
Glenn
@Glenn
Oh, don’t make me barf. What syupee BS is that? What are you, gay?
And as for lurking, isn’t that just like being a sniper, but without the gun?
Eyeteaguy
Eyeteaguy’s last blog post..Shall we dance?
@ EyeTeaGuy
I never said I wasn’t armed… hehe…Let me see…
-12 Ga. Autoloader…..check
-Uzi 9mm…. check
-.45 long-slide with laser sighting….check
-Oh fudge…where the heck did I leave my Phased Plasma Rifle in the 40 Watt Range???
And besides, I’m allowed to be syrupy for one day of the year.
Glenn
I didn’t see your written consent form, signed in triplicate.
Brett, please moderate Glenn into blogoland oblivion.
Eyeteaseguy
Eyeteaguy’s last blog post..Shall we dance?
Hi Glenn,
Thank you for what you said, my friend. The words I am writing here, for this project, are from deep within me, so if the meaning is passed on to you, I know I’m doing my job well.
And thanks for that quote, as well. I like that a lot.
–
Cage match between you and Eyeteaseguy!!! Phased plasma rifles at 10 paces…
Cage match? Naw, to easy. Jungle, jungle, who wants to go to the jungle.
Can I shoot Glenn in the a$$ again?….after I let him cook in the hot sun for 20 minutes looking for me?
Right behind you man.
I do not often comment on others stories, but have read this piece several times and today being Good Friday and seeing Friar’s comment again, I thought I would share a bit too.
Your post reminded me of my Father’s death. He was an educator and probably a genius….the little church could not hold all the people that came to say Goodbye, but the 1,000s of pieces of mail that came – cards from all over to thank us for his work for all the children with special needs in the world….Although he was born in Kenora, Ontario to a Scottish Immigrant, he lived most of his life in the USA and if President Kennedy have lived he would have been made Secretary of Education.
As it was Kennedy was shot and my Father had a difficult time finding work anywhere, so he created a job to help special folks live on their own and for parents to gain independence….
He was so honored at the time of his death…His ashes are buried under a lovely evergreen tree right beside the Peace Arch at Blaine, WA. he now resides in both countries….
The tree of life – good to hang out with
Patricia’s last blog post..Book Review: The Highest Tide ~Jim Lynch
@Brett:
I’m more than glad to give credit where credit is due. I look forward to seeing your completed work, and your efforts rewarded!
@EyeTeaGuy:
Hmm.. Rumble in the Jungle!… Ah yes, that day brings back fond memories… Damn it was hot crawling through that grass!
All in good fun though….But I also seem to recall potshotting you on the upslope through a thicket on the creek field….:) So I guess that makes us even…Hehe…
Happy Easter to All, and to all a good night!
Glenn
That is an amazing ad heartfelt post Brett, it’s making me tear up. I don’t know that I could have handled that as well as you did, I have looked for the wrong way out I’m almost cerain. I’m glad you shared it with us. I will have to find my own place to run away to and someday thank it for being there for me, like yours was.
Jenny’s last blog post..A Tease with No Title…Yet
@Patricia,
Wow. Thank you for sharing that story, your father was quite the man by the sounds of it. He was deserving of the recognition he received.
@Glenn,
Thank you my friend – and so you shall have a chance to see it. Once it is completed, I will use a print on demand service to run off a few “pre-release” copies.
@Jenny,
You most certainly could handle it, I know you could. Have a look at the quote Glenn shared up above – it is a good one.
I think if we all remember that we are only given what we can handle, we will be okay.